zumba instructorsI recently started taking Zumba classes in an effort to lose weight.

I love to eat and since I don’t want to give up chocolate lava cake, or carbs, or sugar, or anything else that is delicious, I know I need to burn some serious calories in workouts.  Enter Zumba classes.

For those of you unfamiliar with Zumba, it is a torturous aerobics class where we constantly move our hips and do somewhat sexy dancing (although with the size of my hips and my protruding stomach, I would say I look anything but sexy.

I look more like I’m having a seizure).

As I’ve taken these Zumba classes, I’ve noticed a few things about the instructors.

So here are the 9 things I’ve observed about Zumba instructors.

I know, lists usually have 10 things, but I couldn’t think of a 10th thing so stop judging and read.  And 10 is so unoriginal.  I’m such a trend setter and 9 is going to be the new 10.

Just wait.

1.  They must love rubber bracelets

wrist band

It seems that every Zumba instructor I see has one arm covered in those ridiculous rubber bracelets.

At first, I thought they were all just really devoted to finding a cure for cancer, or that they loved Lance Armstrong and his one testicle.

But a closer look demonstrated these rubber bracelets say “Zumba!” on them.  (Yes, with the exclamation point).  Apparently zumba  instructors love jewelry but are too cheap to buy anything made from material other than what tires are made of.

Maybe teaching Zumba doesn’t pay well.  And I can’t imagine that rubber bracelets smell good after an hour of sweating it out to Latin music.

Clearly these women need to find a Claire’s Boutique asap.

2.  They must wear bright colors

colored starsI’m not sure why every single Zumba instructor I see is covered in neon colors like it’s the 80s and they are headed to a Wham! concert.

What ever happened to a nice gray t-shirt for a workout at the gym?  Clearly this is forbidden in the Zumba instructor world.

Maybe when they get those rubber bracelets from the super secret place they shop, they are reminded of the importance of wearing distracting neon colors.

Maybe the bright colors are used as a focal point so those of us in class who start to feel weak and lightheaded can look to the blurry bright yellow blob doing hip moves and attempt to stay conscious.

Personally, I think a bunch of bright colors bopping around to the tunes of Gloria Estefan is enough to make any normal person go into shock.  And yet, I return each week for more zumba.

3.  They must have at least a small form of Tourettes

screamFor some reason, all Zumba instructors I’ve encountered seem to think they need to randomly yell out “Zumba!” throughout the workout.

I have no idea why this is necessary, as it certainly doesn’t help me burn off my burrito any faster.

But alas, every class I’ve been to has involved an instructor randomly yelling this throughout the workout.

Perhaps that’s why they wear the rubber bracelets adorned with the word…maybe their memory isn’t that great and they constantly need to be reminded of what they are doing.

4.  They must look good when they work out

glamourI am no glamour queen, and I never go to the gym wearing makeup.  Sometimes my clothes don’t even match.  I figure the people at the gym are just lucky I put on a sports bra before I go.

So I realize I may not look overly attractive when I start at the gym, but about halfway through the workout, I look horrible.

My face is red and last night’s mascara is always running down my face, as I can’t seem to find a good makeup remover to save my life.

As I gasp for air and pray for the end, I look up and inevitably see a neon blob with rubber bracelets looking amazingly good.

What?! How are these women not dripping their makeup down their faces, or at least sweating a little under their armpits?

My shirt is always covered in sweat and I look like I might have a heart attack at any moment.  These instructors, although sweaty, seem to glisten with the sweat, and I swear they look even more attractive.

How is this possible?  Perhaps a requirement of becoming an instructor is to put them in a sauna and see how good they look when they perspire.

I wouldn’t pass that test.

5.  They must hate Mexican food

margaritaI realize this seems counter intuitive, but with all that Latin music pumping through the speakers, all I can think about during these workouts is a large margarita and a bowl of chips and salsa.

The urge to eat something salty and covered in melted cheese is overwhelming at times, and if there was a Taco Bell close to the gym, I’m pretty sure I would have that every day for my post-workout meal.

Clearly these instructors hate Mexican food, or have will power of steel, because I don’t know how any respectable human being can listen to the music they play at Mexican restaurants every day as part of their job, and not be tempted to indulge in some serious carnitas.

I know they can’t possibly like Mexican food because if they did, these instructors wouldn’t be the size 2 that all of them are.

And no one can resist chips and salsa.  No one.

So clearly instructors hate Mexican food.  Which makes them un-American if you ask me.

6.  They must all have artificial hips

pelvis xrayZumba requires a lot of moving and shaking of the hips, or in my case, shaking of the beer belly.

These instructors clearly have bionic limbs with the way they are able to shake their hips to the beat, all the while looking attractive.

I’m convinced their joints aren’t human, and must be machine.

 

7.  They must have a very short memory

memory.jpgAlthough they seem to be able to remember the routines, these instructors seem to have a short memory about what they are doing, as they always need a reminder about their activities.

From the clothes they wear that say “Zumba!” all over them, to the bracelets, to the yelling of Zumba in the songs, to the random Tourettes yelling, these instructors clearly need constant updates about what they are doing.

8.  They must enjoy torturing themselves

Zumba is not for the weak hearted (or the overweight).

It’s rigorous and ridiculous and I usually want to pass out after the warm up.

Clearly these instructors love to torture themselves, as I can’t see any reason why they seem to be enjoying the squats as much as they do.

9.  They have to be able to walk and chew gum at the same time

gumball.jpgOkay, I don’t know if this is really a requirement, but it seems like it would be.

These moves involve the hips, the legs and the arms, and I’m lucky to get one of those movements correct, let alone all three.  These instructors seem to do multiple movements with ease, as they glisten away.

Clearly, the walking and chewing gum thing must be a requirement.

That’s all I could come up with for now, although I may think better when my legs aren’t throbbing and I’m not so dehydrated.

I will continue to attend Zumba classes, mostly because I want to keep eating and Mexican food keeps calling my name.

I’m off to down a burrito from Chipotle….

219 Thoughts on “Nine ridiculous observations I’ve made about Zumba instructors

  1. Anonymous on October 25, 2011 at 10:36 pm said:

    Thanks for the laugh — This is great! I actually don’t wear those rubber bracelets — way too hot– and have never yelled Zumba during a class, but sure do LOVE Mexican food haha! And we Zumba instructors come in all heights and weights, really. You’re so fun, could you come to my Saturday 10 am at Center of Clayton please? It rocks! Email back so I can leave a pass… Lkoeneman@att.net. Yell — “Zumba Zumba Zumba” (just kidding).

  2. LOLOL too funny… although I dont wear the bracelets either , I have never yelled “zumba” while teaching lol.. ADORE mexican food, and was 417lbs when I started with Zumba Fitness .. 300 or so when i got licensed to teach it.. and am now 220 and holding till I recover from surgery that attempted to fix a 20 year old injury 🙂 .. and 99% of my wardrobe for teaching is black or grey… a funeral for the fat 😀 .. still got lots of giggles from this though 🙂

    • Congrats. Very proud of you. Such an inspiration. Much Zumba love

    • I just took my first zumba class and was the fattest girl in the room (I live in Asia-I’m used to it). Knowing there are women my size who love it and are instructors is really inspiring.

      • I feel the same way! One of my favorite zumba instructors is a little heavy and she’s so inspiring. Apparently she lost about 100 pounds. I love that she isn’t a size 2. I think it’s more motivating to see normal sized people teaching the class. I’m so glad you love zumba. It really is a blast!

  3. Addy Moreno on May 25, 2012 at 1:31 am said:

    LOVE IT!!! LOL I felt the same way when I started taking Zumba classes… My instructor was way too cute and weighed about 90 lbs. wet. At 250 lbs. I also felt that I looked more retarded than sexy, but I had a blast anyway so I kept showing up for the torture. I teach now and I DO NOT wear those bracelets either and my zumba wardrobe includes a lot of black. I now weigh 155 lbs. (not skinny at all at 5′ 3″) but I feel great and can’t get enough of that awesome music! By the way, I’m Mexican, so I can’t live without burritos and carnitas. Thank God for Zumba! 😀

    • I can’t believe you lost 100 pounds doing zumba! (Actually, I totally can…it’s quite the workout). That is so awesome and inspiring for others. And like you, I know I don’t look sexy at all when I zumba, but I tell myself that I do, and I think that’s the most important thing. Strangely, even though sometimes I look like a fat fish squirming out of water, I find myself feeling sexy anyway! I’m pretty sure those around me would disagree though.

      Thanks for reading and for commenting. I really appreciate your support of my blog! Keep up the good work!

      • Lisa, Zumba is not the class nor the instructor, Zumba is you, everyone has their own style, I always tell my students that if they don’t LIKE what I am doing (because the CAN’T statement doesn’t exist in my vocabulary) just keep moving, I have students that make up their own moves and YES, you are sexy, it doesn’t matter your size, I lost 60 lbs doing Zumba, I am not a size 2, actually I am in between sizes, 8 and 9 and nothing looks of feels good, so I wear only yoga or Zumba pants, is the only thing that fits right. But I feel sexy, I am an instructor and sometimes I can’t even do things other instructors do….wait, I say CAN’T, I meant I don’t like… ok, I better stop talking nonsense and I am going to get some carnitas, I am Mexican by the way!
        Keep up the good work, thanks for the laugh.

  4. Absolutely loved reading this piece! Zumba Instructor from So. Cal in da house!

    Guilty: 1.Occasionally wearing the rubber bracelets 2.I don’t think I’ve ever yelled Zumba during class unless it was part of a song. 3.Sometimes I look like a bag of skittles in my colorful clothes (that’s part of the fun! Everyone knows the crazy Zumba lady!

    Not Guilty: I think the last time I weighed 90 pounds and glistened I was in elementary school – Oh! and I’m one of those that doesn’t wear makeup – haven’t figured out how not to look like someone has punched me in the eyes while I’m sweatin like crazy.

    Wouldn’t trade any of it for anything in the world. Yes, I love to “torture” myself because people with great spirit like you make it soooo much fun! I ADORE Mexican food, and if you’re ever in San Diego, let’s do Margaritas with lots of chips and salsa!

    • I will obviously need to look you up when I’m in San Diego, as I have a feeling the two of us could dominate some chips and salsa…and margaritas too!

      Thanks for supporting the blog and for commenting. It means so much to me. You put these blog posts out there and never know if people read them or like them, so the comments are great!

  5. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 2:11 am said:

    It was entertaining to read, kinda like a stereotypical, fictional story.

    • I’m not sure if this comment was meant to be mean or nice, so I’m taking it as nice and saying thank you to you for reading and commenting!

    • Why fictional? We are cute, and we apply waterproofhigh quality make up 😉 I enjoy being a zumba instructor – overseas, and reading this made me think “good, so I am doing the right things in class, this is ALL ME! And I kindda take it all as a compliment 🙂

      • annemariezumba on March 6, 2014 at 2:51 pm said:

        hi,this was really funny…could you tell me from where you can get the make up water proof?hmmm after 3,4 songs,i am soaked,and the nice make up is just gone…very proud to be an instructor too.thank you.

    • Teri1607,

      This blog post is totally a compliment and you should absolutely take it as one! Zumba has helped me shake off a lot of weight, and if the instructors can look good while doing it, all the power to them.

      Thanks for reading and for commenting. Keep shaking it!

  6. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 6:24 am said:

    I too had to laugh at this post. I will concur, I do wear the rubber bracelets, but limit myself to 3, 4 at max, have never yelled ZUMBA !! in a class. As for the neons? Well, I was a child of the 80’s anyways so feel the neons as a way to relive some simpler times. The best was saying we must hate Mexican food. On the contrary, as I’ve told my classes, everytime I salsa my body tells me to go find a taquito or Cozumel restaurant ASAP. (glad to hear I wasn’t the only one that happens to). Most times I’m able to shut it up with some grilled chicken and Frank’s hot sauce. Torturing myself is half the fun in teaching, and no hip replacements yet, but I’m still in my early 30’s… that’ll come later. : )

    • I also am a child of the 80s so the neon colors remind me of being a kid. Can you imagine if they made technicolor zumba shirts? Remember those shirts? You could blow on them and they would change different colors based upon your body temperature. Come to think of it….I don’t want a technicolor zumba shirt. Mine would be a bright red the entire time!

      Thanks for reading and for commenting and supporting my blog. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it!

  7. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 7:03 am said:

    I laughed so hard… Never yells Zumba, however, wears the bracelets now and then.
    Dropped from a XXL to S teaching Zumba! Yes, it works.. (grated I dropped the coca cola as well though)
    If you are ever in Denmark, Europe.. join my class. PLEASE 🙂

    • That’s so awesome you’re in Denmark and reading this blog! I love it! Good for you for dropping so much weight doing zumba, although I can totally see how that’s possible. It’s so much fun but it’s also a crazy workout and sometimes when I leave I wonder just how many calories I burned (I often tell myself it was enough to cover the margaritas I will most likely have later in the day).

      Thanks for reading and supporting my blog. I really appreciate it. Rock on in Denmark, zumba style!

  8. Guilty as charged!!!
    But I do LOVE Mexican Food..

    • I’m pretty sure that anyone who doesn’t love Mexican food isn’t right in the head. It’s one of the greatest gifts to mankind (along with heated seats in the car and every episode of Project Runway).

      Thanks for reading and supporting my blog. I appreciate it so much!

    • Oh my gosh, this comment cracked me up! I LOVE Zumba, Mexican food, the heated seats in my smart car (especially in the winter after a workout) AND Project Runway… not necessarily in that order.

  9. ha ha ha … OMG’osh, such an entertaining post. I’m an instructor & don’t wear the bracelets or scream out “Zumba” during class. I LOVE Mexican food but I make my own at home to keep the calorie count down. I teach 8 hours a week on top of my practice time but I still have to watch what I eat. No size 2 here … I’m a size 8/10 and I like it that way! I know of instructors who wear make-up & still look the same when class is over but if I were to wear make up I’d probably look like some emo chick who’s been out on a bender. I just sweat to darn much! I started Zumba as a student 2 years ago and 50 pounds heavier … it’s not quite as tortuous once your body gets accustomed. I constantly push my students to do more because I love them, I want them to get healthier just like me.

    • That’s great that you’re such a success story! I know I relate better to my instructors that have lost weight and are familiar with the constant struggle to keep that weight off. And I think a size 8/10 is actually perfect!! I’m actually jealous of that.

      Keep rocking it out in zumba and thanks for reading and supporting my blog. I appreciate the support and feedback so very much!

  10. LMBO, I hit up Chipotle all the time. My sat class follows me to IHOP too. Bad influence I guess. I’m Jamaican so the colors must match a coloring book LOL. As for shouting, I make animal noises and force my students to sing the songs LOL. This was tooooo funny and I love it!!!

    • Isn’t Chipotle one of the greatest gifts to mankind? I’m not sure what they do to that guacamole, but it’s magical! And it’s funny when they tell me it’s going to cost extra. Um, I know. I don’t care. You could probably tell me it will cost me my first born and I would still say yes. Bring on the guac!

      Thanks for reading and for posting. I appreciate the support for the blog so much.

  11. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 8:42 am said:

    Zumba Instructor from Superior, WI:

    Thanks for the laugh. Don’t wear the bracelets, and occasionally yell Zumba (or Cumbia) during a song. LOL Did you know that you burn more calories for those “whoops”, “Zumbas” and singing with the songs when you learn them? Definitely love the colors – they’re like a uniform sort of, but make you feel good to put them on. Putting my Zumba clothes on always makes me happier. LOL I’m by far not a size 2, and am a Zumba fanatic to get back to anything close to where these moves will look good. I LOVE chocolate, some Mexican foods, and the other foods that taste oh, so yummy! Thanks for the laugh and LOVE this! Will be sharing!

    • Thanks for commenting, sharing and supporting my blog! I love when people can relate to what I’m saying (and when they get that I’m being sarcastic). I had no idea zumba could be so much fun. I started it about a year ago and I think it’s one of the best ways to burn some calories and get out some frustrations yelling random words.

      Thanks for the support. Zumba love to you!!

  12. …I think I take She’s class! (I know I do if she almost cancelled Monday night class for a field trip to Taco Bell this past Monday night!).

    OH! And She offers ‘bikram’ Zumba…not by choice though, lol

    • OMG! I defintely need to take She’s class if she encourages trips to Taco Bell after class. Actually, you know that means she probably makes the class that much harder so as to counterbalance the massive calories you will ingest eating the deliciousness that is Taco Bell.

      Either way, thanks for reading and for commenting. I appreciate your support so much!

  13. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 9:19 am said:

    Love this, I’m guilty of wearing the bright colors for sure even my shoes are neon purple. Zumba is awesome and I may have yelled it every once in awhile haha. I to will drool for some carne Asada in the middle of class. Great post, too funny

  14. Alicia on May 25, 2012 at 9:23 am said:

    LOVE THIS!! Also, love Zumba! So glad you are still going!!

    I am a Mary Kay consultant and I would totally recommend using the Mary Kay oil free make-up remover! Best one ever!!! I have never found one that doesn’t irritate my eyes until I found this!

    • Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 5:59 pm said:

      yes Mary Kay’s makeup remover is fabulous, I used to be a consultant, now I’m a makeup, rubber bracelet wearing, Skittle who happens to be a crazy Zumba instructor!

  15. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 9:55 am said:

    Loved reading it!!! I do wear the rubber bracelets, but I do not yell out Zumba in class. Yes I wear bright Zwear and I wear make-up…. I also chew gum while teaching class…. OH and I LOVE Taco Bell!!!! hehehehe

    • Anonymous on May 26, 2012 at 9:35 pm said:

      Do not chew the gum unless you have someone in your class who knows how to resuscitate the chocking instructor.

  16. Diana on May 25, 2012 at 10:46 am said:

    Reading this article, I found out that I’m a REAL Zumba Instructor. I feel naked if I don’t wear my Zumba bracelets AND my necklace. All my Zumbawear is Neon and I need to use make up (at least my eyeliner must be green or blue, and bright pink lipstick). Just that I LOVE mexican food

  17. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 10:59 am said:

    Very interesting to read….Sounds to me like you are just jealous and that’s to bad, being a part if the Zumba family and lifestyle is such a great addition to the every day ordinary life. I don’t see anything wrong with wearing a color that makes you smile and feel better while you work out. I don’t wear the bracelets either and I don’t yell out Zumba ! When I teach. It was a long time ago I was a size 2 and when I work out I sweat like a boy and my face is tomato red. I always tell my classes it’s not about how you look but about how you FEEL….. And hopefully somewhere inside you feel good doing Zumba since you continue to go to classes and that’s great!

    • And herein lies my problem with Zumba. It has some of the same traits as a cult. 😉 That is, total worship, by Zumba-ites and NO negativity vibes allowed. Everything is Zumba Love even if an instructor SHOULD be corrected on poor form or unsafe moves by someone who does an evaluation “once in a while”. I will add a few more to Lisa’s list. 10. Why is it that to be really cool, that some instructors wear a funky hat or a farmer girl’s scarf(gotta be hot!). 11. Some instructors think that great choreo and exercise is doing several jumps,throughout their routine, is somehow effective. (hint…it isn’t and it is bad for the knees). 12. And Zumba instructors who call themselves certified. No, Zumba issues a license you pay for. There are no requirements or quality control by Zumba, Inc.

      A real Certification can only come from a nationally recognized Group Exercise cert from ACE or AFAA or ISSA, etc. Certification requires study,taking a written test and a practical test. 13. Some instructors have no idea what a good warm up is and for how long it should last. O.K. I am done. Overall Zumba is good because it gets people moving. But I find that the brand name is overdone with little quality control. Thanks Lisa for great writing and your sense of humor!

  18. Ok… this? WAS AWESOME! Thanks for the laugh (and I am guilty of numbers 1, 4, 8, 9 and occasionally 7. Ever in Redmond Washington, stop by. Would LOVE to have you in my class. 😉

  19. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 11:22 am said:

    I too, am a Zumba instructor and hardly ever wear those rubber bracelets! But am guilty of wearing the neon clothing! (You’re a hoot)
    When I started teaching, I weighed in @ 168 and was squeezing myself into size 12 jeans. I now weight 145 and wear a size 8 very loosely!
    I love Zumba and shout it out all the time! Hahaha
    The really cool thing about Zumba is that literally ANYBODY can join in a class!

  20. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 11:39 am said:

    Ha,ha,ha…!!! I wear the bracelets. I’m not a size 2, but I’m on my way to a size 8 (from a size 22). I do neon colors, because one night while teaching a class under disco lights I realized my students couldn’t see me. All they saw were teeth and white feet in the mirror. Of course I had to laugh at myself, because no one was brave enough to tell me. As for the Mexican food, yea I still eat it. Chilis Bar & Grill has throught of us struggling Zumba queens by adding and “all you can eat” soup and salad menu which includes that scrumptious chip and salsa mixture along for the ride. Now check this out; it’s only $6 bucks. Now you tell me; is that not irresistable or what? As for the makeup, girl I’m a hot stinky mess after class. I’ve learned that headbands are not just for stylin, it’s for runny sweaty makeup. Lots of pre-body spray is working wonders for me…ha,ha,ha. Yes, we singout ZUMBAAAAA frequently to catch that second wind. So to all you Zumba Kings and Queens out there, keep on keepin on cause folks are curious now…ha,ha,ha…HOLLA!!!

  21. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm said:

    I am not a instructor but I am a student and I wouldn’t stop going for the world!!! I started in October at 350lbs and I am now 280 lbs 70lb gone!!! It was SO hard at the start of my mission but now I keep up with the best of them and love every minute!!! I wear bright clothes.. My favorite hoodie is my Zumba one and I love every minute of it! You need to stop judging and just do it!!! If you want to loose the weight then you will of not then don’t go but your missing out on one of the best exercise classes out there!! 🙂

  22. For a brief and passing moment I thought you were talking about me! YES I admit it! I DO WEAR ALL THOSE BRACELETS ON BOTH of my ARMS!!! Especially the ones with all of the cute little bells on them! 😉

  23. Aw – I concur with # 3 and 6, but the rest of it – not so much, besides maybe the size 2 (cough 3/4…), but seriously – kudos to YOU for going to class enough to notice the fantastic eccentricities of Zumba instructors! You must secretly love it because, in the end, you’re going to go again. And I know it can be a pain in the ass, but you betta work it out because it seems like this is something great for you! So enjoy ya burrito(s) and keep shakin’ it! ZUMBA ZUMBA! 😉

    • Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 4:56 pm said:

      LOVE YOU NANI !!! YOU ARE THE BEST ZUMBA INSTRUCTOR I MET !!!! Your classes are the best work-out ever and lots of fun 🙂 I hope you are my Nani from the pacific NW!!!

      all my love, RONIT
      ZUMBA !!!!!!

  24. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 1:42 pm said:

    I am truly sad to read this. You obviously missed everything ZUMBA is all about so I guess it is not for you. I am a ZUMBA instructor and I love my rubber bracelets and my bright coloured clothes. ZUMBA is all about party atmosphere and shouting is part of it. You should try it, might be amazed how good it feels. But if your concept of PARTY is food and drinks…so sorry, don’t waste your time going to ZUMBA classes anymore. Not everybody has to be thin or … healthy for that matter. WE do ZUMBA to have fun and we loose weight or keep thin while we do that. So WE WIN! ZUMBA LOVE 🙂

    • I am truly sad to read your comment, as I fear you missed the point of the post. It’s supposed to be a funny post about Zumba and how it’s crazy but totally fun. I love Zumba and enjoy every minute. This post is not meant to be taken literally. I didn’t mean to upset or offend, but this is just a way to get a chuckle about something we all do and enjoy. Either way, thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Zumba on!

    • Me too. I was sad to read your post. The intent of this article was to make us LAUGH! The writer even said they were going yo continue doing ZUMBA FITNESS. Laughter is THE best medicine and sometimes we see the glass as half empty. Lighten up and learn to appreciate wholesome humor.

    • Addy Moreno, Salt Lake City, UT on May 27, 2012 at 1:09 am said:

      Absolutely agree with Lisa… It’s obvious that it was a way to make us all laugh! I get it and always enjoy laughing at myself! It keeps me grounded and sane. Thank you again Lisa. Keep up the wonderful humor and the hip shaking. ZUMBA!!!!

    • Anonymous on May 27, 2012 at 2:55 pm said:

      Damn, some of you need to get a sense of humor. That’s all I’ll say!

    • Anonymous on June 2, 2012 at 8:25 am said:

      Guilty as charged. I guess I love ZUMBA too much that I lost the little sense of humor I ever had. Apologies and … ZUMBA on!

  25. Guilty on the bracelets and the bright colors. Why no grey t-shirt? Because grey is what you WORK OUT IN, and we are not working out baby, we are having a PARTY. Why do we wear stuff with Zumba written all over it? Please google “branding” asap.

    Why do we yell Zumba during class? Because it’s repeated in 90% of the Zumba songs. Zumba instructors sing along when they can, and most of the time that’s the only word I understand.

    Why do we smile when we squat? Because nothing is made easier when bitching about it. A great attitude goes along way to making your time at the gym fun.

    And Zumba instructors are notorious for chowing down on the chips, salsa and margs. Sometimes… (shhh) before class. Maybe that’s why we squat so enthusiastically. We’re drunk and we have a lot of cals to burn.

  26. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm said:

    Wow. Funny but harsh all at the same time. I went from a size medium to an extra small just from attending Zumba classes. I now teach 11 classes a week with the hopes of adding a couple more classes to my schedule. I spent a large portion of my life wearing black and grey clothes but I am forever thankful to Zumba for inspiring me to be proud of who I am and showing it with a choice of brightly coloured clothing. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself! Also, I totally wear the bracelets even when I teach an amazingly sweaty Aqua Zumba class. Why? Because I love what I do! I yell out Zumba in my classes!!! Without Zumba I’d still be lying on my couch reading novels and napping all afternoon. What’s wrong with finding something that you enjoy that happens to be healthy for you at the same time? PS I do not eat Mexican food. I prefer to make as many healthy choices that I can when it comes to food.

  27. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 3:15 pm said:

    Frankly I’m perplexed that some people perceived a negative tone in this post. I’ve gone to A LOT of Zumba classes and what Lisa says is absolutely hilarious… and spot on. I’ve seen instructors doing their hair before class with full-on prom style make-up, head-to-toe Z-wear and a requisite huge smile and big personality. Those of us taking the class with our black and gray get-ups and extra junk in the trunk may poke fun at the some of the silliness of the Zumba aesthetic but we keep coming back for the terrific exercise and the infectious camaraderie.

    In other words, reread the post and lighten up. Her jabs at Zumba are all in good fun. And like her “about me” says, she always tries “to do so with a smile on [her] face and a laugh in [her] heart” and I think this includes Zumba.

    • THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!!! I really appreciate it! I was also a bit shocked to see people taking it seriously or thinking I’m honestly bashing Zumba. I’m not. I love it! I’m so glad you were able to see the sarcasm in this post and read it for what it was…a way to poke some fun at something we all love. Thanks so much for reading and for being supportive. You are obviously awesome. Duh.

    • Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 9:35 pm said:

      Word, sister. Of course you love the Zumba. It loves you back. Keep up the sarcasm. Us cool people are in on the jokes. –Maggie

    • Thanks Lisa this made be Giggle where I wiggle. I made the reply above to the 1:42 comment . Right after your reply. I plan yo make copies and give to students and other zumba instructors. Also will put it in a frame and hang it in my studio. Thanks for a good belly laugh. Which is better than 100 situps.

  28. I freaking LOVE reading all the replies on this post… This is GREAT.. like I said.. I am GUILTY as charged… except for I NEVER wear makeup… I love mexican food (mostly FISH TACOS.. and love burrachos beans)… I wear an ARM full of rubber bracelets and many have BELLS on them so the jingle.. my clothes are BRIGHT BRIGHT.. (I’m accused of being a bag of skittles most of the time).. I dress my husband up in Zwear too… I teach 9-13 Zumba classes a week (I also teach BodyPump)… I freaking LOVE Zumba.. I do yell out ZUMBA a lot.. I also wear my Zumbawear to the grocery store.. and OUT.. and have TONS and TONS of people come up to me and ask where I teach… I pass out cards… give away FREE Zumba.. all the time.. I want kids in my classes.. I love it!! LOVE ZUMBA LOVE ZUMBA….. ZUMBA!!!!

  29. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 4:13 pm said:

    Again guilty as charged here in Manitoba Canada! I am adicted to z-wear, layer on the bracelets and love the bright colours….but, I do love mexican food! Peace – Love – & ZUMBAAAAAAA!!!!!

  30. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 4:21 pm said:

    I sooo love this!! I am a Zumba® instructor. Several of my instructor friends got a great laugh about it. Thanks for posting!
    Me, PERSONALLY, I hate the rubber bracelets, too. I used to wear them all the time to help me think that MY left is YOU RIGHT. I have since stopped (one I got it down lol) because they annoy me a lot! Taking off sweaty bracelets is for the birds.
    We love bright colors. Zumba is all about having fun…and bright colors it is! I purposely DO NOT match when I teach =)
    LoL Yes, we are LOUD in class but mostly whopping and hollering =) Just to see what YOU guys do…and because we enjoy it. Totally LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE Mexican food! LOOOOOOVE IT! We usually eat it almost after EVER Zumbathon!
    Loved this post! Keep up that Zumba and shake those hips! Mama didn’t push you out for nothin!

    • I secretly love the yelling in class, although my instructors might not love it as much as I do. Sometimes I like to yell out random things like “my arms are on fire!” or “why must you torture me?!” Fortunately, my instructors get my humor and I think it makes the workout more fun…or at least it does for me!

      Thanks for reading the blog and for sharing it. I really appreciate it and hope others can get a chuckle from my mess of a life!

  31. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 6:12 pm said:

    The writer must be a ugly ass fat fuck!!!

    • Seriously! Your comment wasn’t even necessary. So sad people are so toxic and cruel with negative profane expressions. Wish this post could be deleted. Lisa was just trying to make us have a happy spark in our day. You missed the whole point. Uggggh now my stomach hurts. It’s true negative people can make you ill.

    • Anonymous on May 26, 2012 at 3:06 pm said:

      Only if you let them….instead, pity.

    • You guys are awesome for standing up for me and this post. I really appreciate it. I also find it funny that the person who posted the childish comment was too chicken to own the comment and put his/her name next to the comment. I’m not bothered by it though. I love the feedback, and although some of it is negative, it’s clear that those giving negative feedback aren’t familiar with sarcasm, and for that, I feel bad for them, as they’re missing out on life.

      And as for this negative post, maybe I am ugly and fat. I don’t know. My photo is listed on this page so people can judge that for themselves. However, I will tell you what I also am….proficient in grammar. At least I know that when using a word that begins with a vowel, you must use “an” instead of “a.” So the comment should read “The writer must be AN ugly ass fat fuck.” At least I grasp the English language. 🙂

      Zumba love to all of you great supporters out there! I absolutely love every minute of sweating my butt off at Zumba and I’m glad the majority of you could figure that out from my post. Thanks so much for reading and being supportive!!!

  32. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm said:

    Just to answer and expand on your NINE FABULOUS observations………
    1. It is TRUE we wear these rubber bracelets….. and YES they DO get hot…….. we just want our wrists and forearms to sweat all those margaritas and chips and salsa out….. more on #5 in a bit!
    2.Clearly our job is being done……. for if we can make ourselves look more idiotic than a class full of “seizing” women……. than all the focus is taken off YOU!!! You’re Welcome!!!!!!
    3. You clearly left out the Tourette symtom of double clapping every 8 counts (most instructors will do this to get your attention……. if our neon clown suits didn’t do the trick)
    4. I like to think of “How long can I look good” as a contest!!!! Personally in order to not show sweat…. I CLEARLY have the inside of my shirts lined with Maxi-Pads!
    5. Well…… I just got back from a dinner at a Mexican Restaurant TONIGHT!!!! I love that crap!!!! However….. my family can not STAND to go with me….. because all I do is gyrate in my seat at the table to all the Latin music being played in the restaurant and point out the differences between Merengues, Reggaetons and Salsa rhythms….. as they roll their eyes!!!! But I have a captive audience to create new choreography to new songs as I’m trying to down my jumbo margarita!!!!! They CLEARY could give a CRAP about all my knowledge!!!!!
    6. I don’t have artificial hips….. but I’ve blown out my knee….. My ACL to be exact!!!! So when I had my ligament replaced with a dead person’s……. I was PRAYING that dead guy had rhythm!!!!!! (jury is still out)
    7. What number am I on?
    8. Truth is….. sometime I want to pass out after the warm up too…… especially after a night of jumbo margaritas (see #6)…… but we have learned the fine art of smiling and making YOU do all the work!!!!!
    9. Not only can I chew gum and dance at the same time…… but while doing THAT I will also Pat my head and rub my (burrito-filled) stomach!!!

  33. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 9:03 pm said:

    As a male Zumba instructor… I sometimes wear a black bracelet, but most of time I don’t. They do sell black and gray Zumba clothes.. I’m from Costa Rica so Mexican food isn’t my favorite. As an Army vet I remember singing during the run. You burn more calories when you do. Also helps building ones cardio. The majority of Zumba instructors genuinely care for their students. And have their well being/goals in their best interest and at heart. I know I do. Maybe Body Attack would suit you. I don’t think their instructors have Tourettes.

    • I completely love zumba and all the craziness it brings! And I had no idea about the singing/talking while working out. I also frequently run so I actually might steal your idea about singing while I run. If I can burn a few more calories while rocking out to Janet Jackson, why not?

      Thanks for reading and for posting. I really appreciate it!

  34. I HATE those stupid bracelets…..they ARE sweat traps. I RARELY ever wear one in regular Zumba, BUT the little kids in my Zumbatomic class LOVE them, so I give them to the kids…it makes me their favorite teacher.
    We shout and sing about food in my class….CHOCOLATE’ what’s not to like huh?
    Great post….zumba hugs and welcome to the cult….don’t drink the Koolaid 🙂

    • I often wonder what those bracelets smell like after a workout! I know what my sports bra smells like after an hour long zumba class so I can’t imagine what ripe smell those bracelets are giving off! And how sweet that you give them to the kids. I think it’s so important to impart on kids at a young age the importance of exercise in their lives.

      And considering you yell about food, I might need to take your class. And now that I’ve read your comment, I want both chocolate and koolaid!

  35. Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 10:20 pm said:

    I teach Zumba and I am no where near a size 2 ….I hate those bracelets …. I also hate the bright colors( I have been at Zumba for a while so I have the older style of Zumba clothes that are more subtle)…. I LOVE me some Mexican food…. I have never yelled Zumba in any class EVER ( I do whoop though)…. I wear make up only so people don’t think I am going to pass out because of the sweaty red face. I absolutely LOVED this post!! I even read it to my husband as he named instructors we know that do each of these things. This was awesome!!! Keep up the good work! Much Zumba love mamma!!

    • Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it so much. I actually like that some of the instructors aren’t a size 2. Honestly, I prefer it because I feel like they are real people struggling with weight like the rest of us. And I secretly like to see the instructors get exhausted…not because I’m mean, but it makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only one having a blast, but seeing stars at moments because of all the cardio! Thanks for reading and for commenting. I appreciate the support so much!

  36. I am an instructor, as well as a dance teacher. I haven’t been a size 2 in years…and I ADORE all of those things..the bright colors are fun, the bracelets are a give away in my classes for the person who rocks it the hardest, and I often go out with my students for nachos and margaritas after class. I think you just gotta find an instructor who fits your style, as you can see there are plenty out there! Nine times out of ten, I am in a bright top and black pants when I teach…that close enough to your dark requirement?

    ZumbaLove

    • Lizi,

      I was a dancer years ago too! I think that’s why I like zumba so much. Although my body looks nothing like it used to, I love shaking it to the music and pretending I look sexy as I sweat profusely and try not to pass out.

      I’ve found that my favorite instructor is actually a guy who is a gymnast. Isn’t that crazy? He makes up most of his own routines and he does a theme every month so it’s fun. For instance, a few months ago the theme was burlesque, so all the songs were from the movie, or about burlesque. It was so fun! He has done a Michael Jackson month, which was also a blast.

      Thanks for reading and for posting. Keep up the good work rocking out at zumba and I will do the same!

  37. Lisa Newlin I’m Diamond Green. THANK YOU. Your article made me Laugh. I teach 13 classes a week and now whenever I get ready for class this post will be forever in my head. From the moment I read the first sentence I knew I was in for a crack up. I apologize for the others who posted toxic remarks. I replied to a couple if them.
    Keep giving of yourself to people and animals and hopefully the people who act like vicious animals will find humor and tame their hearts.
    If ever in Michigan you and your family is welcome to join us do Zumba Fitness. This Summer is Free classes for all Males.
    Checkout my webpage at http://www.thebombfitnessparties.com

    • You are awesome! Thank you so much for the positive and sweet comments! I can’t believe some people actually took this post seriously and thought I was making fun of zumba…quite the opposite. I love it!

      What’s funny is that after writing this post, sometimes my best friend and I will be in the middle of a zumba class and will just look at each other and crack up because the instructor will be doing something that’s exactly what I talk about in this post.

      I appreciate your support and your feedback. Keep rocking out at the classes and even if this post runs through your head as you teach, remember that these things are part of what makes zumba so fun and why I keep coming back for more!!!

  38. Very fun post. I hope you are enjoying it despite everything. It gets easier and it one of the best and most fun workouts.

    I became a Zumba Instructor last year after I turned 50. I don’t wear the bracelets (too hot) but love the crazy clothes…I always laugh
    at myself as I never would have thought I would be doing this at my age. Once you start wearing Z-Wear you never go back!

    If you stick with it you will be another ZUMBA success story!

    • That’s awesome that you became an instructor later on. I find I relate better to instructors that aren’t 22 and weigh less than my right thigh. Of course, I’m not saying that’s you, but I like the different ages of instructors. I’ve actually thought about buying some of the zumba gear but I know you’re right…once you go to that clothing you never go back. I also think that putting neon colors on my fat arms might not be a good idea right now, as I don’t want to draw more attention to my fatty arms!

      Thanks for the support and for reading and commenting. Keep up the good work with zumba!

  39. LOVE THIS !!!!

    I lost 70lbs with Zumba before I became an instructor. It’s WHY I became an instructor. Keep it up, and it will pay off. 🙂 I have to share this page on Facebook. It’s too funny not too!

    • Carmen,

      Good for you for losing the weight! I can see how it’s possible, as the workouts are so strenuous (but fun). One of the zumba instructors at the gym has actually lost 100 pounds and that’s why she became an instructor. She’s one of my favorites because she’s a real person and she’s so inspiring because you just keep thinking “if she did it, I can too.”

      Thanks for reading and for sharing my blog. I really appreciate it. I’m glad there are so many zumba people out there in the world. It’s such a fun way to burn some calories!

  40. I love your post! I’m a new Zumba instructor, so I don’t have my bracelets yet. 🙂 They are on order. I can’t wait to get them though because they will hopefully remind me which way to go (when you’re used to being in the class and then all of a sudden have to turn around and do everything the other way it gets confusing). Number 5 is just wrong for me. Zumba makes me want a burrito so flipping bad!!!!!! I am so happy that there isn’t a Taco Bell on my side of town.

    Also, I think the correct word for the bright clothing – the word that was right on the tip of your tongue – is Skittlelicious 🙂 You’re welcome.

    Seriously though, don’t give up on Zumba too quickly. It does take a little getting used to but those 400-1000 calories that you CAN burn during a class are sooooooooooooooo worth it!

    • You are totally right about the Skittleicious word! And now that you said that, I want some Skittles. I’m such a fat girl at heart.

      Thanks for posting and for supporting me in my zumba quest. I actually really love it and I can see how people get addicted to it!

  41. Anonymous on May 26, 2012 at 11:23 am said:

    I am guilty! I wear the bracelets, I love the colors, I yell ZUMBA in class, etc…. Reading this was hallarious!!!! Thanks for that great laugh!!!

  42. 1) Guilty as charged. Normally I limit myself to 2, however today was 3 (with jingle bells)

    2) Guilty on count 2, but I do try to mix and match bright and dark.

    3) Nope, and have not attended another instructor’s class who does yell.

    4) Maybe at the beginning of class… half way through the class the previously flat ironed hair has began to curl. Make up is slowly making it’s way to the towel used for mopping up sweat.

    5) Second favourite food behind calamari and Italian. Attended my first Zumba class at the, errr ummm, healthy size 12. After 1 year, down to a size 6/7.

    6) 100% natural. Though other instructor have made the comment “How do you get your hips to do that?!”

    7) It’s advertisements. There is no question what we teach!

    8) No pain, no gain. Those squats help us move our hips LOL!

    9) According to my Wii Mii, I can trip on air. I was a clumsy child, therefore my mother put me in dance class at the age of 3.

  43. Anonymous on May 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm said:

    Bahahahahahahah!

    I too am an instructor. And you are right about the love to torture myself……mostly my class just laughs at me!

    No rubber things around my wrists, no make up and my hair starts off somewhat reasonable and by the end of class I usually look like I have had a fight with a cat!

    I do however have many friends who are exactly as you describe and on one occasion one of these lovely friends asked me if I could “Do something about this” while pointing at my un-made-up face. To which I replied “At least I have brushed my hair today!”

    • You are most likely my soul mate. Sadly, there are many times I go to the gym without brushing my hair…I mean, if you put it in a ponytail, what does it matter anyway? I figure if I’ve brushed my teeth, put my contacts in, put on a sports bra and got myself to the gym without injuring myself, that’s a victory in itself. Expecting me to wear makeup and look presentable is just unreasoanble. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and for commenting on the blog. I really appreciate the influx of support!!!

  44. Hmmmmmm this isn’t really making me feel too good about my choice to do Zumba at the gym I just joined LOL I went for the first class today only to find there was a substitute instructor who didn’t teach Zumba…she held a boot camp instead. I’m stubborn, I stuck with it but I have to tell you, at 60 yrs old and doing this sort of exercising for the first time in about 40 years it was brutal! I’ve lost 30 lbs in the past year due to changing my eating habits as well as working a much more physical job and I would have thought I could have done this but I had to do a lot of alternates to some of the exercises. I discovered I don’t have a lot muscle strength. But I’m not giving up…plan on trying for Zumba again on Monday.

    • Don’t give up! It’s so much fun and it makes the workout go so much faster. I despise working out on a machine like the elliptical, and this is a fun way to pass the time while burning calories.

      And of course you hated the boot camp! I’m pretty sure that’s a form of torture in some countries. It’s horrible. But keep with the zumba. You will be amazed at the muscle strength you gain, the weight you lose, and the fun you have in the meantime. Thanks for reading and for commenting. I hope you come to love zumba as much as I do!

  45. Anonymous on May 26, 2012 at 7:21 pm said:

    I just LOOOVED reading your post… although I’m 100% Guilty of all!
    But it’s ok because I love to laugh about myself 🙂
    Point 8 is really my signature : “Squat and smile!!!!”
    Keep on enjoying your Zumba classes and making us laugh…
    Awaiting your next post where you’ll tell us all about you joining the Crazy Zumba Family as an Instrucor
    x

  46. I loved this! I am a Zumba instructor and own a Curves franchise, which is where I teach. I am copying the link to this on our page. Thanks for sharing.

    • That is awesome Peggi! Thank you so much for your support! I also wrote several other posts about going to the gym and my love/hate relationship with it, so hopefully others can get a chuckle or two out of those as well.

      I really appreciate the feedback and the support. You are awesome for spreading my blog. I love it!!!!

  47. All instructors aren’t women, fyi…

  48. Tiff on May 26, 2012 at 10:49 pm said:

    The bracelets are made of silicone. Just sayin’…

  49. This comment has been removed by the author.

  50. Hahaha … funny XD …
    I became a Zumba Instructor 2 years ago just because I love the concept: Dance, have fun and get fit!
    About #1 and #2 … rubber bands not so comfortable but I used them once in a while. The clothes, as I see it, must be as colorful as possible not because we’re still living in the 80’s ( cool decade 😉 ) but because we have to keep the party alive and colors bring happiness … also maybe it is a good thing for you to focus on us blurry colorful blobs so you don’t focus too much on the counting and on how bad you “think” you are doing ;).
    #3 I do not yell Zumba or anything for that matter, I just make funny faces or moves to make everybody: smile, pay attention to the music and not the “what to do next” and release all the accumulated stress.
    #4 We sweat “a lot” and get tired too but the big difference is we are the instructors and we have to keep moving in order to keep you moving. Even when we have bad days ( we are human too 😉 ) we try our best to hide it because you need us as much as we need you, and all the energy we bring into class comes from you being there and from all the effort you put into every single minute of the class.
    Oh yeah, and we have to look our best too because you wouldn’t like to get into a class and see that the person you are following to help you look your best looks like she/he doesn’t care about her/himself at all.
    #5 Not every Hispanic person in the world is Mexican. There are more than 15 Hispanic countries, and even though I like Mexican food (a lot) I like my country’s dishes and food variety even more: Proud Colombian girl :).
    I am not a size 2, I love my curves and I can assure you that most of the instructors are sizes 8 and up. We come in all colors, heights, sizes and flavors 😉 …
    #6 The hip shaking doesn’t come easy, but practice makes almost perfect. It is easier for most Latinos to shake our hips because we grew listening and dancing to music that requires doing so.
    #7 Not short term memory here … because with more than 100 choreographies to remember … I don’t think so :p
    #8 Define torture … I used to weight 250 lbs and I felt miserable. I decided a change was needed if I wanted to be around my children for a long time. I started exercising at home and after 8 months I went down to 220 lbs. Feeling brave enough to go to a gym I started taking different type of classes and I loved them all (kickboxing, Pilates, step, body sculpting) but Zumba was my “let’s party” class (squats included). When I started taking Zumba I couldn’t move as I would’ve wanted to move but I did not quit. And that is the key to everything “keep trying” until you get it, even when frustration crosses your path you have to “keep trying”.
    #9 Zumba is there for you to have fun, it is not a dance class. You don’t have to follow every single step to the dot. Do your own thing, create your own steps, add your own flavor, ENJOY every minute of it … just give your 100% because the moment you choose to better yourself, your life, your health … you have to put your heart into it.

  51. Tanea M. on May 27, 2012 at 9:53 pm said:

    As a Zumba instructor I found this post a completely fabulous riot!! I loved every word of it, those that applied to me and those that don’t. Halfway through the bit about the neon colors I was cracking up. Thanks for the laugh. I’ll dedicate my next order of Mexican food (which I love!) to you 🙂 ZumbaLove to you always!

  52. This is one of the funniest blog posts I’ve read in some time! I am a newly-minted Zumba instructor, who is absolutely not a size 2 (yet). Two and a half years ago, I could totally relate to how you feel shaking your excess weight around, but keep doing it and before you know it, you really will be able to do those moves and feel good about them and about how you look doing them. And yes, I wear the bracelets and the bright colors (love them… they make me happy!) and have been known to whoop and shout during class (though not to yell Zumba too often)… it’s part of the fun, party vibe.

    And I do love Mexican food… or food of any kind, really. Balancing the amount of Zumba I do each week with how much food I’d like to eat (not snack, junk stuff, just good, healthy food with flavor) is a constant challenge. But it can be done!

  53. LOL! OK, so the bright colors are pretty much ALL the zumba shop offers, and yes, I have tried other places, but to tell the truth, the zumba cargoes wash & wear better than ANYTHING else I’ve tried. And the tanks have enough lycra to hold things in place unlike some other tank materials. Oh, and in a class of 60-70 people, you are more visible in neons!

    As for the “Zumba!” being shouted out, take a listen to the music sometime: the music given to us by zumba® has “Zumba!” sprinkled into it at every possible moment. Sometimes you even get “Zumba! Feeeetness!” Many of us joke about how obnoxious it is, but students seem to like it, and it gives us something to say if we feel so inclined.

    The bracelets…well, I just got my first ones, and only because they have little bells on them that I LOVE jingling for the Bollywood songs.

    I LOVE Mexican food! And will NEVER be a size 2. I love food in general and if that means being a 6/8 for life, I’m perfectly OK with that. I must be the exception too, because I sweat a TON in class (but then, i skip the makeup and go for the “natural sheen” lol)

  54. Anonymous on May 30, 2012 at 12:40 am said:

    I have to say i love this post just for the fact it made me laugh, especially with the mexican food comment.
    I can honestly say i’m not 100% like this.
    I am a Zumba instructor, got my qualification last year in January before i had surgery to remove a tumour from my hip, then started teaching Zumba from September.
    I am definitely no size 2, i’m a 12 in tops and a 14 to 16 in hips but i do have a high fitness level.
    I do like torturing my class, especially when they ask for it to be more challenging the next tracklist update i do, so now not only do they have the high intensity but they also get to test their minds with difficult moves.
    I do have to say i have a great memory, don’t really do the whole yell out Zumba thing, nor do i wear the latex bracelets, i don’t need them to stick to me during the class, how annoying, although i do wear sweatbands 🙂
    I do however wear some bright coloured clothing, one just for the fact they are comfy, and also because my members love it and comment on it after each class (it’s no secret where we get the gear from, there is a Zumbashop website open to the public)
    I definitely do drip with sweat, i don’t have mascara running down my face as i don’t believe in wearing makeup for the gym, or in general really i hate the stuff, my pores don’t need to be blocked with the stuff.
    I drip in sweat, i smell like i have been in a sweatfest, my clothes are soaked all the way through that there is barely a dry patch anywhere, my face is bright red like a tomato and the sweat just drips into my eyes that it actually stings lol.

    I don’t have robotic hips although i do have cement in my right pelvis (but i somehow still manage to shake it)

    I also LOVE mexican food, just have some good willpower to resist haha.

    You should come to one of my Zumba classes one day, would love to have a laugh with you as well as allowing you to see we aren’t all the same with our styles.

    Keep blogging away, i want more laughs like this.

    Cheers
    Alison Jesson

  55. Anonymous on May 30, 2012 at 12:36 pm said:

    Thanks for your time and make us laugh! That it’s what makes zumba different from others workouts ; ) Sometimes l chew gum, because my throat gets dry, if somebody can give me advice for this please; Keep adding numbers to the list! lol ;p Hugs!

  56. I totally fell in love with Zumba 3yrs ago. I am now 85lbs lighter and size 12 in jeans. I still got 40lbs to go to reach my goal of a curvy 135lb size 9, (not the size 1. I used to be in high school, I never want to go back to that.) I don’t wear the bracelets. I wear the cut up men’s Zumba t-shirts because there is no way I am gonna get my 32k special order bra wearing tatas into one of those tiny racerbacks and still be able to do jumping jacks without them falling out. I am an instructor. I never yell out Zumba but I do give a translation of the more humorous, silly Zumba songs. I smile when I squat all the while complaining under my breath. My hair is always in(what my husband calls)the stereotypical jelled and slicked back PR chick bun. How else would they be able to see the look of sheer terror that come to my face right before we jack out. There is more than one way to cue a group. 🙂 Thank you for these very funny observations.

  57. Anonymous on June 4, 2012 at 7:27 pm said:

    As a Zumba instructor, this made me laugh uncintroably.! Thanks for sharing, but number 4… I am not. I sweat like a pig at a pig roast. My mascara is all,over my eyelids and down my face, I drip, I don’t glisten, I don’t perspire, I se
    Sweat, and I also love Mexican food, . Thanks for sharing. This was great

  58. Anonymous on June 5, 2012 at 8:06 pm said:

    I watched a Zumba class once. That was enough for me. That shit looked HARD, plus I prefer something slower. So I signed my kid and I up for a clogging group. It takes all sizes and proficiencies, which works for me since I look like I’m having a seizure while dancing. Plus, it is so much fun and quite a workout, too. Them Zumba people were just a little too…much for me. Much clogging love from Florida.

  59. Hello Lisa,
    ENJOYED your blog!! 🙂 I am a MALE Zumba instructor who enjoys Mexican food, and…well, I enjoy food, period LOL I dont think I have ever yelled Zumba in class, I dont wear Zumba bracelets, but I am guilty of wearing a bright color or two, especially my shoes LOL but I love interacting with my students, and getting them to make noise in class, and forget about their day, even for an hour. Zumba has not only helped me keep my body movin, I have also made a lot of friends, some of whom have struggled with cancer, depression, divorce, and a lack of inspiration.
    Glad to hear that you will keep attending Zumba classes, and trust me, I too keep teaching in part to be able to eat at Chipotle haa haa!!!

    Thanks again for the article!! If you are ever in Austin, Tx, look me up, and lets Zumba…..and then go eat LOL

  60. Nicole S. on June 9, 2012 at 10:53 am said:

    This was too funny! Thanks for the laughs. As a Zumba instructor myself, I will say that I ADORE Mexican food and sweat like a pig during class. Although I do yell in class, I never yell “ZUMBA” and encourage my class to join me in making some noise! However, I’ve seen plenty of other instructors that are just as you described (much love to all my Zumba brothers and sisters!I ) I will definitely share this with all my instructor friends because I know they’ll get a good laugh from this too! I’m glad that you’ve discovered Zumba Fitness and will keep with the classes. P.S. Don’t worry about what you look like…just dance like nobody is watching!! Thanks again for the laughs!!

    Peace, love, and Chipotle!!!

  61. Anonymous on June 9, 2012 at 10:26 pm said:

    Another Zumba instructor here and must add that I LOVED this blog! A bit surprised by those who couldn’t see the humor in it, though.

    I’m an over 50’s instructor who admits to being guilty of all of the above except wearing the bracelets and yelling “Zumba”. I DO admit, though, that you’ll catch me singing to most of my songs, although the words are definately something other than what they are supposed to be. Can’t remember a lick of my Spanish except “Uno mas cerveza, por favor” (one more beer please), so I make up my own words. And not only to the Spanish lyrics but those in Turkish, and everything else I play! :O

    I tell my students that I wear the neon colors so they can see the direction my feet are going, however it’s really meant to satisfy my secret desire to feel youthful again. And I wear the Zumba tanks instead of the t-shirts because those t-shirts ride up and seem to just sit on top of “the girls”. Since I can’t stand to keep tugging the t-shirts down, I am thankful that Zumba has allowed me to regain my waistline and actually develop biceps that look good in a tank. Ha Ha!

    And lastly, I have my own #10…

    10. Zumba instructors are prone to random dance solos that make absolutely no sense to class participants

    Those unrehearsed solos when a routine is suddenly changed mid-stream are really NOT planned, as we would like to have you believe. Instead we just lost our place because the dinner menu or most recent grocery list just went flying through the middle of our merengue!

    Love your writing style, Lisa! Keep it up.

    Lynn from Hayward

  62. Ha. I thought it was so silly at first too. But 8 months and 40 pounds later…I’m getting close to being guilty.

  63. Anonymous on September 29, 2012 at 8:20 pm said:

    HAhahha, very funny indeed. Up until recently though the only one that wasn’t true for me was the rubber bracelets. 🙂 I did say….until recently..lol.. Just got my first set after nearly 3 years of instructing. It eventually gets you. 🙂 Great post and I will be sharing with my fellow Instructors in Australia. Keep going with Zumba fitness classes and go on I dare you, pull out a fluro top, light up your sneakers and spontaneously blurt out ZUMBA … x

  64. we are not human!! and now everyone knows that!!! btw they have a mascara that is water proof!! hopefully you know how to find it!!

    • I have since found waterproof mascara. Unfortunately, it doesn’t give me the much needed energy or coordination I need to sucessfully master zumba without looking like an idiot. But hey, at least my makeup stays on. I guess it’s the little things, right?

      Thanks for reading and for commenting.

  65. Okay, so you have absolutely outstanding powers of observation. The Zumba instructors look the same here in OHIO. When I go to the gym in the evening, there is a Zumba class that I can watch from my treadmill. While, I enjoy making a donkey outta myself in public, this is one thing that I will not do. I will stay safely on my treadmill.
    TAM just rambled about…Fighting hunger is more than shipping meatloaf overseas to those starving children in ChinaMy Profile

    • I love that you creep on gym-goers doing zumba. For some reason, I find that hilarious and I love it. Believe it or not, I actually enjoy doing zumba, but I just don’t have time anymore. My work schedule isn’t conducive to actually being on a schedule, so I can’t ever plan something consistently because of work. I wish I had more of a 9-5 because I would be all over those classes.

      I may look like an idiot, but I enjoy shaking my moneymaker to lose some weight! 🙂

  66. This is fabulous! You had me laughing the whole time. Honestly, I am RELIEVED to find out that I am no the only one who craves Taco Bell when I hear all the Latin music playing!!
    Menopausalmother just rambled about…Livin’ Large In Zumba LandMy Profile

    • All I can think about when I’m at zumba is how much I want the homemade salsa at one of our favorite local Mexican restaurants.

      Oh, and other people’s camel toe. I don’t want to think about that during zumba, but I don’t really have a choice.

      SAD FACE.

  67. Too funny! I’ve never tried Zumba but heard it’s great fun! I love your observations 🙂
    Kaz @ Melting Moments just rambled about…Water Buddies – Fun Low Sugar Kids’ Drink Review and GiveawayMy Profile

  68. Tried Zumba once and all I can say is never again. I have no coordination (cannot walk and chew gum at the same time) and I’m not giving up Mexican food either! And I look ridiculous in anything but running clothes. In fact, I can’t believe my own father said to me “are you wearing something under your shirt?” No that would just be my muffin top. That goes up there with things you don’t say to women…especially after they go for a run…
    Michelle just rambled about…Parenting in a Foreign LandMy Profile

  69. Ok, I do respect your opinion even If I don’t agree on the way you “generalize” for your bad experience with Zumba, I am a Zumba instructor and I don’t wear bracelets, I pretty much wear black color in all my classes, except if it is for an 80’s party, I do chew gum because believe it or not is not easy to teach, give cues and dance.. your mouth gets dry and the gum helps a lot,…. I do move the hips a lot! and let me tell you all my students loveeee it! It might be that whoever you took the class with was not able to teach you in the right way so you wouldn’t follow good… plus you would never do good at your first zumba class… you need to give it time,… another thing is if you want to lose weight I guess you should start looking at the positive side of the work out,.. Im sure you would find the ugly on every type of workout… also if we wear Zumba clothes is because we are PROUD of being a Zumba instructor or student,… I personally love zumba wear but as I told you my passion is wearing black colors.. I do sing along with the music and yes I do shout out Zumba when the songs has that word on it, I dont see anything wrong with it… The main purpose of zumba is for you to have fun while working out, but it seems this is just not for you,… I wish you could come and try my class and you would see what Zumba is about! I promise I would get you loving it! I have new people very often and most of them dont know how to dance, and they always come back and take all my classes… they are improving a lot! … and last of all I DO love mexican food… in fact I am a mexican girl… by the way not all the music is mexican… it is hispanic but does not mean it is from Mexico…

    • Uh oh. I fear you’ve missed the sarcastic tone of my post. It was meant to be a funny and satirical take on zumba and nothing more. I love zumba! It’s ridiculously fun and it’s the best way to burn several hundred calories in an hour. I just wrote this as a spoof of sorts, mocking it, but in a loving way. I’m so sorry if you didn’t take it that way or if I offended you in any way. It was just meant to be a joke! Thanks for commenting though, and for not ripping my head off. I very much appreciate your respectful thoughts and comments. Thank you!

  70. That’s funny. I have away my rubber bands, now that they have other accessories. I wear mostly black, don’t wear makeup, sweat like a pig, love Mexican food and I’m puertorrican, so I yell: “WEPA!!” LOL! I love my students, sometimes I wonder what they’re thinking, I wish they could share their thoughts one day, I could use the laugh.

    • You don’t need to know what your students are thinking…you already know! They’re loving it, which is why they keep coming back for more. 🙂 It sounds like I need to take one of your classes. I’d love to yell “Wepa!” randomly. Come to think of it…I might just start doing that now.

  71. THANK YOU for the laugh!!!! I am a MALE Zumba instructor and love the brigh clothes. Truthfully, if a memebr cannot see hand gestures or feet movements, they can see the direction of my movement from the clothing and they love it. I am so happy ot hear that you have shed the pounds through ZUMBA. Although I never yell ZUMBA, I do yell AY, AY AY or WOOOP! All the best to you in your ZUMBA journey! Keep loving it and the latin flava!! :>)

    • I love that you enjoyed this post! I also love that you’re a male zumba instructor. My favorite zumba instructor is male and he makes it so much fun.

      I absolutely love shaking it at zumba, even if it isn’t a pretty thing to watch. Next time I go I will yell “WOOP” in your honor!

  72. Christina Bothman on February 7, 2014 at 12:33 pm said:

    This made my day!! …still laughing. Shew I sport those rubber bracelets. lol

    LUV it. 🙂

  73. You said Zumba, and I immediately got tired. BUT, because I am a trouper, I’m going to stay awake long enough to eat some taquitos. Because you can’t say “quit” without “taquito.”
    hollow tree ventures just rambled about…Top 10 reasons to stay home on Valentine’s DayMy Profile

  74. Hi Lisa,

    I shared your great post on my blog, I hope it is fine? Keep on Zumba-ing! 🙂
    Jelena just rambled about…Some serious talk about ZumbaMy Profile

    • Of course it’s fine to share my post on your blog! I love that you liked it enough to share it! I really enjoy zumba even if I look ridiculous doing it! Thanks for reading, commenting and sharing. Zumba on!

  75. Micha Shines on February 27, 2014 at 1:01 am said:

    I am proudly guilty of it all!! (The only time I yell, ‘Zumba!’, is during a song that actually has it in the lyrics! Lol) I get the sarcastic humor, but tone will always be projected by the reader, so it should be expected by any blogger that there will always be differing interpretations, so I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you.

    • You are awesome Micha! I realize people can get confused about my sarcasm but it always baffles me because I can’t imagine someone taking me seriously about this stuff. I’m so glad you got my humor and you made an excellent point about tone being projected by the reader. I need to make that my mantra!

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. 🙂

  76. Well obviously have had a great laugh after reading this and found it rather funny but on the other side, I think that maybe you have not got the right idea about Zumba and what Beto pretends it to be, it does bother me that somebody could read this and thnk we are ridiculous people us instructors!! ….I can assure that we most of the instructors are not short of memory as it is not easy to have a set of around 50-100 different workouts for our zumbaclasses saved and ready to use, and do we sweat but obvoiusly are more fit than you so we might be able to stand more hours before our makeup starts to run or our hair is out of place. There are zumba instructors of all sizes and shapes, myself is a big girl and I teach 4 classes a week, Zumba on its own does not make you lose weight but it sure makes you fit healthy (dont need to be skinny to be healthy) and make you feel great, that is why we are using bright coloured clothes to brighten it up, why not?? Zumba is suppose to be a party, boring workout or general gym is already there!!! make it something special dress up enjoy your class and have fun, forget the workout join the party!! why should your hour of exercise not be fun too ??? if you after the warmout are ready to colapse I can assure you that either that instructor are not doing it right or you are completely out of shape!! Zumba is not aerobic, it is a dance fitness program and it is not about working hard and quickly but about CONTINUING MOVING. The whole idea about zumba is that here everybody are welcome does not matter size shape colour background male female etc etc ….we can all dance, we all love the music and the beat therefore we can all do Zumba. it does not need to be perfect this is not syncronised dancing you move laugh shout sing a long stomp and have fun……thats ZUMBA!!! thats why Zumba is an success and people love it, i admire Beto for this amazing program he has spread all over the world and love my classes. would love if you one day could visit and join one of my classes see how people shout laugh sing and having a ball why they exercise……zumba regards Jette Mallorca Spain.

  77. THANK YOU! I laughed out loud reading your blog! HILARIOUS and a lot of truth to it

  78. I am a zumba instructor in training, my friend shared your blog on facebook. I read it and now I hesitate to continue down the zumba path. Yes, I am super excited to do squats, but that is because I have a bootcamp instructor background and so its something that I recognize. I have always said that, if you look cute after a workout that you did not work hard enough, I apply this to zumba too, and so at the end of class I am a sweaty mess… maybe I should rethink becoming a zumba instructor… or better yet, I will break the stereotypes. Call me the black sheep, cause that’s my favorite colour.

    • Do not take this post as serious. She was writing in jest. I am a personal trainer that ran a boot camp. I became an instructor to add to my fitness resume. Like everything, you get out of it what you put in it. I leave every class with my hair and clothes soaking in sweat. This was a satire piece. Most instructors get the humor out of it. Take a few classes (from various instructors) and then make your decision based upon that, not this blog post.

      • Syl,

        You rock! Thanks for understanding the post for how it was intended and for sticking up for me. Some people don’t get my humor but I love when people do. Keep on shaking it at Zumba!

  79. Deena Giesen on February 27, 2014 at 4:27 pm said:

    Hahaha I love this blog and my husband would concur about the neon colored Zumba wear. He says that Zumba has corrupted my taste for fashion and says that i dont always have to dress like a bag of skittles. I love the rubber bracelets and occasionally yell out Zumba Zumba. So bad that even my 5year old grandson screams out Zumba Zumba when hes dancing. Although Zumba instructors come in every size shape and form, most of us are passionate about sharing a fun fitness format with the masses. Thank you again for the laughs. I can relate on many levels

    • Aren’t 80s fashions coming back? If so, you will be totally hip with the neon clothes. Then you can tell your husband to suck it! You can lead the fashion revolution!

  80. If I wore makeup when I taught a class I would look like something out of Night of the Living Dead. I didn’t even wear it when I taught a Halloween class ’cause I thought I might scare people LOL. Come to Michigan – my husband makes a mean margarita and we throw an annual CInco de Mayo party complete with a taco bar and a Tequila buffet (and no, I did not get that backwards bwahahahahaha

  81. OMG I love this!
    Sharing for sure 🙂

    I’m so guilty if all this lol!

  82. Lisa,
    Thank you for the great belly laugh! I am a Zumba instructor for 5 years and truly it is one of the loves of my life which is probably what you see on the faces of most instructors: the joy 🙂 and in some cases the artificial smile when I’m hurting just like you from all those squats. I am hopelessly addicted to Mexican food (I’ve been told I need a program), tell my kids I’m probably part Latin (although I’m as Caucasian as they come), and definitely dress the part of the instructor. It literally becomes a part of our persona, lol. So grateful I found Zumba and this fun blog post. Blessings Lisa! If you are ever in Rhinelander, WI come shake it with us! We northern girls know how to bring it, lol.

  83. Sherri on March 2, 2014 at 12:41 am said:

    Love it. I too am a chunky Zumba instructor who will only wear black baggy bottoms. We are a funny lot but that’s part of the Zumba creed, to have fun and laugh at yourself. As for the bracelets, I am guilty – it’s because as an instructor who faces my classes I have to remember to lead with my left foot and, as a rightie, that’s just not natural to me; so I need a reminder that’s not specific to my location. That apparently is the reason for the one pant leg rolled up too. We will party on – and I’m in for the chips, salsa, and margs – unfortunately I’m north of the northern border.

    • Get out! That makes perfect sense why the one pant leg is up. I had no idea but of course there’s a logical reason for it!

      And I love the chunky zumba instructors. They make me feel more normal!

  84. Hi Lisa I’ve been teaching zumba for almost 3 years.I love zumba bracelets I have tons of them as a collection.They are not that cheap.I dress to impress,I love to distinguish myself with awesome colors so the people can see me.I do yell zumba only if the song is catchy and sings zumba is part of the fun of the class.We are zumba freaks and have much passion teaching.We look good after the workout because we wear waterproof makeup.Dress to impress:D I’m not a size 2 and yes we love Mexican or international food.We learn to dance fusion music and international dances we open our mind to eat different dishes.We can shake our hips,because we practice,practice and give our hearts,energy,passion,movement to have a good time.we tend to forget because we are continually study new choreo and listen to new songs.Out job never stops we always have homework:DPlease relax,enjoy the classes and zumba instructors give all and is not easy to be on the front teaching.:D Ana from central Ca.

    • Thanks Ana! I’m glad to know you practice all those hip moves because I seriously can’t do any of them. I look so ridiculous but I like to yell things like ‘woo hoo'” randomly. I feel like it takes the attention away from my ridiculous moves.

      Keep on teaching and I will keep on taking the classes!

  85. Tymia on March 4, 2014 at 1:03 pm said:

    LOL, this was entertaining! I’m a Zumba instructor and yes I wear a couple (errrr…..ok, 4-5) bracelets but nothing else was true for me or any of the instructors where I teach (maybe I’m too new of an instructor – I’ve only been teaching since November of 2013). I do yell out but never Zumba…I figure everyone knows where they are and what we’re doing. I also need to find out what these other instructors that look amazing at the end are doing because I’m a HOT mess when I’m done and that’s how I know it was a good class…no one leaves my class looking cute!! We work it!

    And people need to learn to stop taking themselves and everythiing they read so seriously!! Good post 🙂

    • I’m so glad you enjoy Zumba and don’t take yourself too seriously. I bet you’re a fun instructor because of it!

      I never understand why people get bent out of shape about stuff. Life is too much fun to take things seriously!

      Thanks for the comment. I appreciate it.

  86. This really made my day!! As an instructor I can see how my students would feel this way too! Much Zumba Love

  87. Patrisia Rabot on March 6, 2014 at 12:07 pm said:

    hahahaa…point:
    2, I mostly wear all black .
    4. I can’t wear make up as I sweat like I’m in the sauna if I’m doing the routines.
    5, I mexican foods!!! they are so hot as Zumba itself ,
    7, hmmm…15 choreos per hours, it’s must be memorized well,can’t be short memory person do it .
    9, yes…that’s me !!!
    Really hilarious point of view!!!

  88. Hi Lisa.
    LOL this is funny ;0) I’m from the UK and I run a blog for my Zumba teacher (check it out – http://nikiparpotta.wordpress.com/) . It features lots of real life stories where peeps have lost a lot of weight doing Zumba and how its changed their life! I say thank God for Zumba (I’ve lost 2 stone) and Zumba instructors (man they work hard – mine does about 9 classes a week). I feel fitter and better now than I have in 20 years and am loving a slim shape. My nemesis is cake and I bake so I Zumba so I can still do the coffee and tea shop thing with my friends.
    Keep at it – you will lose weight but you may need to cut down on the Mexican food ;0) (just until you’ve lost a bit!) xx

  89. Sharon on March 12, 2014 at 2:29 pm said:

    Entertaining!

    Lisa, has your observations changed since you posted this on September 25, 2011 in?

    • You ask an interesting question. I’m not sure my observations have changed that much since I wrote this post a few years ago….I still can’t do the hip movements and I still leave looking like Alice Cooper!

      So I guess the answer is no….my observations have stayed the same!

  90. Cheryl Mendoza on March 12, 2014 at 8:38 pm said:

    Hi Lisa, you are clearly funny and a pretty good writer. I am a Zumba Instructor and I can relate, but I am not one who wears zumba rubber bracelets and rarely wears zumba outfits. I hope to one day see you in my class @ milpitas boxing and fitness gym at landless avenue and make sure to introduce yourself and I will give you a free pass. My classes are Tue. And Thurs. nights from 7:45 to 8:45 and Satyrdays at 9-10 am. I promise you I don’t shout Zumba at all 😉

    Keep on dancing,

    Cheryl

  91. Ha – I love this! From someone who teaches and still takes as many classes as possible, I can say that I would have to agree with most of this! With the exception of being a size 5-7 and LOVING Mexican Food (that’s why I have to teach/take Zumba so often) you nailed it. I always make sure my class knows when the song says “ZUMBA!”, I wear as many bracelets as I can get on my wrist AND I have more Zumbawear than anyone should – I sell it and end up keeping more than I sell. Thanks for the laugh. Check out my blog when you get a chance – http://www.ZumbaJunky.com
    .
    Hope just rambled about…I’m Likin’ Zumba StepMy Profile

  92. Marlene on March 12, 2014 at 10:22 pm said:

    Try Clinique’s Rinse-Off Foaming Cleanser. I NEVER have mascara left over.

  93. NellyG on March 13, 2014 at 2:38 pm said:

    I can’t tell you enough how much I enjoyed this post! You made my day so THANK YOU! Please, when you come to Anchorage, AK (you know, common destination!) please be my guest at any of my classes! I told my fellow instructors that it has to be blast to have you in class!
    FYI, I am all for fun workout,I love the bright colors, I wear the bracelets and when I forget them I just feel “naked”…haha! I sweat a lot, do not smell very good when I finished my class…found an eye liner that stays in place not matter what, not such good luck with the rest of make-up which ends up on my face towel…I am latin so my hips have a life on their own….and I just love to hear I am kicking their butt and they will keep coming back…they do! But most of all, I love to see a couple of my students melting almost, and getting healthier kind of in front of me!
    Congratulations on keep coming to Zumba and THANKS A LOT for this blog, you must be a nice person to be around!

  94. hysterical on March 15, 2014 at 8:14 pm said:

    ZUMBA!!! just kidding lol. Yes Im a “licensed” instructor for the person that felt the need to negatively comment on the difference between “licensed” and “Certified” and the lack of quality control in Zumba. Im actually a certified fitness trainer with a license to teach several Zumba specialties, I do NOT do anything that is unsafe or would injure someone. SOME OF YOU NEED TO LIGHTEN UP!!! I laughed out loud when I read this, it was GREAT! No I don’t wear the bracelets, I do not shout out Zumba but if there is the word Zumba in a song I’ll sing along. And yes LOVE the bright colors and the Zumba Gear. It’s called dressing for success and I love it. I teach other CERTIFIED, not LICENSED classes that also have branded clothing and I wear those too. I don’t wear makeup and I don’t glisten LMAO, I sweat bullets and I’m soaked at the end of my classes and I’m FAR from a size two as I sit here finishing my bean and cheese burrito. Oh, 100% Italian:-) Be proud, Be loud, Be heard!

    • I like you if for nothing else than the fact you read my blog about exercising while eating a burrito. Seriously. You are brilliant.

      Thanks for your comments! I love when people get my humor for the way it was intended and respond accordingly. Obviously, those who get my humor are awesome. 🙂

      I don’t care if my instructors are licensed or certified, although I realize it’s important. As long as they get me motivated and make me shake it for an hour, I’m all in.

      Zumba on my friend!

  95. Tiyapo on March 16, 2014 at 3:59 pm said:

    Rolling on the floor!!! You are hilarious! I teach in Botswana, Africa and so guilty of many of the things you mention except for make up! Way too hot here-it would melt off before I even get to class 🙂 I love the crazy ‘zumba’ hair! How do instructors teach with all that hair all over their faces and not tied back? Guilty on that one too 🙂 Truly enjoyed reading this Lisa!

    • Thank you for your comment! I love knowing I make people laugh. I’m not sure I’ve ever had someone from Africa read my posts, so I feel quite honored.

      Thanks for the sweet comment. i appreciate it. If you ever figure out how to do zumba with hair hanging on your face and back, let me know. I look better with my hair down. 🙂

  96. I disagree with #8 – that Zumba is not for overweight people. You may have been trying to be funny but discouraging overweight folks from trying it isn’t a good thing. I’m fat & it’s the perfect thing for me!

  97. Lisa, I’m not sure where you live, but, you should come to the Zumba studio where I dance – Love 2 Be Fit in Exton, PA. The instructors are AMAZING – and their moves – oh, they’d make anyone jealous. We have so much fun with our crazy Zumba clothes, flashing lights and amazing dance music. Come down any time – we’d love to have you join us. You will LOVE IT! FYI, I’ve lost 35 lbs doing Zumba – it’s definitely good for people of all sizes – coordinated or uncoordinated alike. 🙂 This was a funny article – thanks for the laugh! 🙂 Happy Dancing!

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed this piece! I really enjoy Zumba even if I look ridiculous doing it. I figure everyone else in the class does too!

      Thanks for reading and commenting. if i’m ever up your way I will shimy into your class!

  98. Tracey Harris on March 26, 2014 at 1:58 pm said:

    I can’t decide what is more amusing the article itself or the crazies that were offended by it!!! I for one LOVED it! I relate to all 9 points, if I don’t do them myself I know of another instructor that does!!! I will say that my choreo has taken a back seat lately because of this article though. Upon reading it I discovered everything else you have written. I have spent the better of 4 work days reading your other stuff!! I sit at my desk and actually laugh out loud and kids walk by my office and just look at me. I yell at them to get to class or I will report them! LOL! Keep doing what your doing girl! Much love

    • Oh my gosh, this comment made me so happy! I love that you discovered my blog and are enjoying my posts! There’s nothing that makes me happier than knowing I’m cracking someone up at work and forcing them to receive dirty looks. It’s like a badge of honor I wear proudly.

      Thank you so much for this comment. I really love knowing I reach out to people I don’t even know!

  99. Angie M. on March 29, 2014 at 6:18 pm said:

    Thanks for the laugh! These are very astute observations, though I notice it’s always the newer instructors that are decked out head to toe in Zumba gear. I NEVER wear those silly bracelets. It makes for super sweaty forearms! I don’t know how other instructors do it. And I am probably the only instructor I know who doesn’t wear those camel toe Zumba cargo pants.
    Hilarious!!!

  100. Hello from a UK instructor! very funny post. I must admit that I agree with you in some points. The bracelet thing is just not for me, so I don’t wear them. The Zumba clothes…mmm I have my reservations on the colors and design, so I do my classes in very normal workout clothes (no neon colours). I never say Zumba during the lessons, that is so funny! but what I do (which is probably as annoying) is to sing the songs sometimes (100% guilty, I just cannot resist it). I honestly thing is not pratical to go to a workout or Zumba class full of makeup and perfect hair (I just don’t get it), or hair down (hair looks awful when they are all sweaty). Zumba is not about shaking hips, we don’t dance like that to begin with (I am from Colombia) is precisely a workout that feels like a party, not a workout to shake the hips like mad or shake your shoulders (by the way should be the shoulders) like mad. It’s about dancing, enjoying the music, feeling the rhythm , and lose weight in the process. All in all is a class to feel free and happy (don’t worry about make up, don’t worry about your weight, don’t worry about your fatty bits, don’t worry about the hair, don’t even worry about how to follow a step and just forget about feeling ridiculous) just dance and enjoy. That is what Zumba is to me anyway. Maybe some instructors are a bit of a show off? (my personal perception but I think happens a lot) why all that shaking when probably half of your class will feel a bit uncomfortable? anyway thanks for the posting, I enjoyed it.

    • My instructors have been great. My favorite one is a gay man who is fantastic! I also love another woman who is a bit heavier. She lost a ton of weight doing Zumba and I find her very inspiring. I love knowing that others struggle with weight like I do and it doesn’t come easy.

      I love that I reached you in the UK. Keep shaking it!

  101. This was too funny!!!!! Hey to all that lost weight by doing Zumba, did you change your eating habits as well?

  102. Yvette on May 30, 2014 at 4:11 pm said:

    I love Zumba and not all instructors are created the same NOR do they ALL wear the gear. At least I did not. I know this is meant to be funny, but it is rather shallow. Many people come to Zumba in all shapes and sizes. The one thing that sticks out in my class is the friendship and positive energy we all put forth to support each other. Too bad you are not focusing on you and the workout instead of picking on instructors. I loved teaching Zumba – no longer do so – but still go to classes and shake it with women twice my age. FUN fun fun with no judgement!

  103. Too funny! I am linking this blog to my Zumba page on Facebook so that my participants can laugh as well. I do wear the rubber bands and the neon……wahahahahahahaha!!! I don’t chew gum tho! Phew! 8/10 ain’t bad 🙂

  104. That was why I don’t go to Zumba! Haha. That and something to do with the fact that I have no coordination whatsoever. My bootcamp got cancelled once and the only other class was jazzercise. Against my better judgment I went. What a disaster. Afterwards, the instructor was taking names, and she said to me “you’re never coming back, are you?” Oh, she so had me pegged. NEVER EVER!
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    • You’re my hero for going to boot camp! I’ve done that before and it’s way harder than zumba. I also look ridiculous at Zumba but I still do it anyway. I just look at someone else and pretend I’m them.

  105. I hope you enjoyed your burrito! Your post was so much fun. I have never tried Zumba and maybe I shouldn’t.

  106. OMG!! Lisa, you made my day!!!
    I’m a zumba instructor from Argentina, living in Saudi Arabia (yes, yes, Saudi Arabia!!), and I feel so identified with your post I couldn’t stop laughing… Except for the food, of course, I love to eat!!!
    In this country the life is really hard for the women who are not arabs, so being a zumba instructor and have my classes here with a lot of expats like me, definitly is my ground wire… Thanks for your great sense of humor!!!
    Zumba love 🙂
    -Vanesa Rubi

    • OMG! I can’t imagine living in Saudi Arabia right now as a woman! You’re a stronger woman than I am. I’m so glad you have a way to stay gronded and to connect with other expats. I’m also glad you enjoyed my piece. Hopefully you’ll find other stuff on my site to give you a laugh.

      Thanks for the kind note. 🙂

  107. Jennifer G on October 4, 2014 at 4:36 am said:

    I have to say, I laughed out loud!!! I do most of the Zumba things (except makeup, no time for that!). I’m a food lover (especially anything with SUGAR), and Zumba is my drug of choice! It keeps me motivated and I love to have the whole class yelling (not necessarily ZUMBA, but noise, it’s great for motivating everyone). Next time you are in Hamilton, ON Canada, come to my class and you’ll LOVE IT!!! Can’t wait to see you there!

    PS. I’ll be the one in NEON. And messing up the moves too… 🙂

  108. Marni Gould on October 4, 2014 at 10:45 am said:

    I’m a 230 lb instructor and know I look good shakin it. I actually don’t wear the colors because I can’t fit into the Zumba clothes. If you want to know why they wear them, check out the vast amount of Zumba fashion on Zumba.com. I wear the bracelets because they’re the only thing in the site I can afford.

    We yell Zumba as a way to check that everyone is breathing like a good instructor of anything cardio should. I loooove Mexican food but don’t associate it with the music since the music is from all over the world.

    • I never thought about yelling zumba as a way to check breathing. It’s actually quite brilliant! And I know you look good shaking it as a 230 pound instructor, mostly because I’m a 230 pound student and I look great too. 🙂

  109. Ridiculous indeed!

  110. Thx for the laughs as I sit here at my hair dressers, under the dryer with rubber bracelets one both wrists and my Zumba clothing that I am still wearing post Zumba Step class this morning. I don’t shout Zumba during my classes, well not much, but there are a lot of whoop whoops emanating from me. That is when I recall this list with much warmth! Keep up the good work!
    Zumba peace, hugs, and love!
    Bonnie C

    • Thank you Bonnie! I appreciate your kind note. Personally, I love the “whoop whoops” and the “woo hoos” far more than yelling “zumba,” probably because I yell those things anyway.

      Thanks for reading and I hope your hair turned out great!

  111. I’m guilty: I wear rubber bracelets to match my outfit , to me its Zumba® characters, I don’t like Claire’s jewelry! So I wear bracelets on my left hand just 3 to compliment my outfit and wrist band on the right, matching of course . I do wear bright color since I’m short (5″1′) , my class like it they can see me better, I put lipstic on since my skin is kind of dark( tan), as for hip movement, I show different option since i have 2 guys in my class, no hip just like marching , only if they are ready! I love mexican Food, love latin music, well I don’t loose much weight only from size 12 to size 8 enough to burn my muffin top so I look cute in my Z outfit/ cool pants, my class doesn’t like squatting much, I don’t yell Zumba! Well, hope you still like to go to class because it’s suppose to be fun and exercise in disguise and everybody is different burn burn burn baby!

    • I can’t believe you are only 5’1! I bet you are a firecracker as a teacher, and the fact you have 2 guys in your class is awesome. I’ve only ever seen one come to mine.

      And of course I still go to zumba. I love it! Thanks for reading and commenting.

  112. I love those bracelets! Especially the ones with bells on them. 😉 If you wear regular jewelry it gets all sweaty and yucky. We wear bright colors to stand apart from the gray crowd and identify us as instructors. I love Mexican food, though.

    Keep writing. You’re funny.

  113. While the article is somewhat funny, not all Zumba instructors have a poor memory. As far as having to be a perfect hard body is concerned, I am not a hard body person. In fact, I have an implantable cardioverter defibrillator (what many people still refer to as a pacemaker) and I do very well in Zumba classes. Yes, it is true that it does take a some practice to do as well in Zumba as I do. That is you do not have to be a great dancer to do well at Zumba.
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  114. I have been teaching zumba for 4 years. I am a size 18. I don’t wear the rubber bracelets. I do wear the bright colors but my clothes do not say Zumba on them, mostly because Zumba does not make clothes that fit me or that I can really afford.
    I have never yelled Zumba during class, just the occasional woo hoo.
    I might look good when I work out only because I do not ever wear any makeup, I really hate that removal process too. But may be I don’t look good working out because I really don’t bother with that sports bra either. 😮
    Mexican food is my all time favorite!! And I can make most of it.
    No artificial hips here, just six years of belly dance practice. It takes practice. Same goes for walking and chewing gum AKA shimmy while you walk and move your arms, practice, it is worth it.
    I do have a very short memory! I cannot remember names to save my life! I do know if you have been to my class before but I occasionally forget my routines. Thank god for those front row divas, they usually don’t miss a beat. 
    Don’t forget to drink that water before, during and after class.
    Happy dancing.

  115. Natalia on October 5, 2014 at 6:03 pm said:

    Hi there Lisa. Your observations were interesting to read. I agree with you there are some instructors who do fit this mold!
    However, #5 actually brought a little frustration out of me. It seemed as if you were saying Latin was equivalent and exclusive to saying Mexican. Of which I am hoping was not your intent. If you know a little about Zumba and how it was created, you know it was actually a Colombian man who started it! In Colombia we dance quite a bit and a lot of the dances, beats, and music that is played in Zumba classes originated in Colombia. I understand there are a lot of Mexican restaurants that play this music but that does NOT mean it is exclusive to being Mexican, nor should it be called Mexican instead of Latin. Latin culture is beautiful and full of diversity from a lot of OTHER countries in Central and South America. I am a Colombian-American who is so proud of her cultural background but all my life I have faced a lot of cultural and ethnic prejudices as well as being referred to as “basically Mexican”. I write this to implore you and your readers to explore Latin cultures and really learn what we are! We are sooooo much more than you can imagine and hopefully you can embrace the beauty of our cultures not only in Zumba (of which most of you do which is so great to me!) but also by doing a little research and maybe even traveling to our countries! Please don’t take this as an insult or be offended by it. It is just my attempt to educate and open people’s worlds to great things and love it as much as I do.

    Next time you are in your Zumba classes ask your Zumba instructor where the beats of one of her (latin-based) songs comes from. If she/he cannot answer that, then she/he is not doing her/his job as a Zumba instructor.

    • Thanks for the info about the Latin community! I certainly didn’t mean to offend, as you stated. I just hear some of that kind of music at Mexican restaurants and it makes me think of chips!

      I actually worked with a woman recently who was from Latin America and I learned a lot from her about how Mexican does not equal all of Latin America and that there is a large culture out there. It was fascinating.

      Thanks for reading and commenting and helping educate me. I appreciate it. I also appreciate you not being rude when you did it. 🙂 Happy Zumba-ing!

  116. And we kill ourselves for Peanuts, or a net-loss, after Zumba Fees…. 🙂

  117. It’s a funny subject indeed. But…it’s a shallow perception of a Zumba class & instructors!!
    As a Zumba instructor, you have to be dedicated to what you do (love to teach Zumba).
    Have to be a professional (getting all the moves & playlist ready, so you’ll have a successful class).
    Connect & motivate all types of people (the ones who are coordinated & not so coordinated)
    Make the class fun & energetic (even when you look around & see long faces) that’s when you yell ZUMBA!
    Putting in 100% to make the class enjoyable & pleasant (sometimes you don’t feel like it)!
    Make sure no one leaves the class without introducing yourself & make them welcomed.
    It takes hrs. of preparation to be an effective instructor.
    Incorporate all types of fitness levels, including squats, in case the person who walks in the class have only this hr. to exercise.
    I’m not Latina…I’m mistaken for a Latina most always (I’m from the Middle East). & that’s NOT Saudi Arabia. It’s like Latin America the Middle East envelopes different cultures, types of music & dance!
    Zumba is not for the faint hearted! LOL

  118. Hi Lisa,
    I have been doing Zumba since 2010 I became a instructor in 2012, I have seen this post before and love it I do all of those things except yelling out the word zumba lol. I started my weight loss journey in 2002 at Curves where I was introduced to Zumba. I love to dance and noticed my shape and size changed while doing Zumba. I am a cancer survivor. For me losing weight was not about my outside it was about my inside mentally and physically. I have not been sick for over 10 years. Not even a cold. I feel great I have the energy of a teenager. I love the Zumba clothes, shoes and rubber bands, I love to inspire and change peoples lives in a positive way. I love zumbathon’s and the money that we have raised for so many charities. I love feeling I have a purpose and I am making a difference. I have so much fun with my Zumba family! I love the music and I love the food! Zumba has changed my life and I believed saved me too! Hugs xo

  119. I’m a bit late to this party, having stumbled upon this on some Zumba board on Pinterest.

    I *LOVED* this! I don’t wear the bracelets either, or yell ZUMBA! but I’ll song along, and get my classes to yell certain parts of the songs. I am guilty, however, of dressing like a skittle – I adore the bright colors.

    I am a new Zumba instructor – just did my B1 on November 1st of this year. I am not a size 2, and I won’t be. I also have a disability that makes my feet drop, so I get my skittle-ness complimented by really ugly black braces. I became an instructor for two reasons – 1)because I love it so much – it really *is* an addiction, and 2)I want to be proof positive that Zumba is for everyone, regardless of age, size, or physical ability!

    Zumba love from Newfoundland!

    • I’m so glad you found this and loved it! I also love that you aren’t a size 2. It’s probably ridiculous to say but I hate working out around super skinny people. It makes me feel like they don’t struggle with weight, even though they somewhat do if they’re at the gym. And you’re awesome for overcoming a disability and getting certified to teach! I know that’s no easy feat, especially when you have a physical obstacle to overcome. Now you’re making me feel bad about my excuse that I don’t feel well. Keep on zumba-ing and thanks for reading!

  120. Hi Lisa,
    Funny post. I have been doing Zumba for 4 years now and in the beginning it was a nightmare. My first class was almost my last because it felt so “fast” and I couldn’t even last through 1 song. I didn’t even know that people practiced the same routines. 4 years later I have lost about 100 lbs and recently got my B1 Steps Certificate. I still can’t move my hips and I have never bought Zumba clothes. However, their new collection looks good enough to wear at the mall. Keep up your good writing!

    • OMG! You made my day with this comment! Thank you so much. And wow on the 100 pounds. I can believe it. Zumba kicks my butt and covers me in sweat but it burns a ton of calories. It’s kind of insane. And please keep reading my blog. Hopefully you can get a chuckle or two. 🙂

  121. Pingback: Funny Zumba Jokes | phearin

  122. I have been a ZIN for several years..yes there are instructors that drink the “coolaide” and wear the bracelets, bright colors, and yell Zumba…we all pretty much started out that way…but if you came to an instructor convention I believe you would see more people with your body type than the skinny aerobic instructors at that you are referencing yes there are a few petite women but most of them are not in December is actually the fitness program for housewives take Zumba for 6 months and think they can teach better than their present instructor although they also probably have no dance for fitness experience they assume that this is all just high intensity line dancing which it really is not

  123. I’m in Tokyo and read it through my daughter’s share. She is a zumba instructor in Paris (France) and it seems she had fun reading you. I myself sometimes attend Zumba class after a body combat class.

    Blogs can go very far away 🙂
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  124. Neelam on July 14, 2015 at 3:02 am said:

    Its been one month i have joined Zumba classes!!.

    Initially i was not so much positive about joining Zumba classes, like any other form of workout i felt deep down that i am eventually going to quite. Now I love it!! I love dancing but this form of workout specially for me is so cool. Music and dance!! WAW!! For 1st week i took 6 classes in the morning..later i loved it so much that i decided to take evening class as well. Seriously..i look forward to go to the class after work as well..and i enjoy dancing and learning new moves!

    I have started losing weight. 4 kgs in one month! I am satisfied..At last i found exercise that i love and really enjoy!!

  125. love it 🙂
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