For those of you that know me (or for those of you who bothered to read the title of my blog), you know that I am completely and utterly obsessed with dogs, and if it was socially acceptable, I would have at least 10 dogs running around my house at any given time.

I’m constantly covered in dog hair from my shedding babies, and I’m quite confident I’ve developed the reputation in my neighborhood as the crazy dog lady.

Just the other night I chased a dog around the neighborhood until I could catch him and return him to his owner.

I’m not sure if the owner was relieved to have her dog back, or just relieved to have me finally leave her premises after explaining the importance of regular dog walks.

It was probably a combination of both.  I anticipate a restraining order shortly.

I have three amazing dogs, each of which have different personalities that win me over in different ways.

Bentley is the five pound Yorkshire Terrier who is a bit of a snob and super judgemental, all of which add to his charm.  He is also an enormous tattle tale who will be the first to rat out his brothers if any of them are doing anything that isn’t on the up and up.

If he were a child he would be the teacher’s pet, and hated by all kids in the second grade.

Shady Jack in carShady Jack is our lab/pit bull mix and he is just a doll.  He is always happy and always ready to play.

If he were a kid, he would be the popular kid that everyone wanted to hang out with, but would probably lead the charge to smoke cigarettes behind the gym after second period.

And then there’s Max….Max is our Goldendoodle who is a rescue and a very sweet dog.  He’s just not very bright (which is putting it delicately).

We refer to him as our “special child” because he doesn’t seem to understand basic concepts that others grasp…like that eating grass causes him to vomit, and licking other dogs genitalia is not socially acceptable.

If he were a kid in school, he would be in a “special class” and would most likely be required to wear a helmet at all times.  He would have a funny nickname like “Maxi-pad” or “Big Mac attack” and he would have no idea that anyone was making fun of him, so he would smile, and lick their face (yes, I think he would still lick people even if he were in human form…which is yet another reason he is special).

He would basically be the smelly kid whose farts smelled like peanuts and who ate his own boogers, and the boogers of his neighbors.

Max sleeping after surgeryMax lives a simple life, and spends much of his day staring off into space, intrigued by something in the air that none of us can see.  He also is a fan of licking himself, and will do so until his netheregions are raw…and then he will continue licking.

See what I mean?  Not the brightest.

Sweet, sweet Max also fails to understand the concept of size and space. He is easily confused and gets himself caught in cramped spaces and can’t seem to figure out how to get out.

For instance, I recently caught him in a small closet in our house, where he went in face first only to come face to face with a wall (unfortunately, the closets in our house are the size of the glove compartment in my car).

Instead of turning around in the closet and coming back out, he just stood there, staring at the wall, waiting for it to magically slide open like the windows at a drive thru (Come to think of it, maybe this suggests I take him through too many drive thrus…does this mean I go too many drive thrus? Surely not.)

Max doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of curtains, and frequently finds himself lost in the mass of curtains that cover our front windows.  The curtains can’t be that confusing, as our other two dogs seem to have no problems finding the openings in the curtains, but Max clearly suffers.

Please note that this picture is not at all staged, and he couldn’t figure out how to get out of the curtains that became wrapped around his neck.

Look at that sweet and innocent look on his face…he just can’t seem to decipher how to beat the battle of the curtains.  Eventually (after we laughed hysterically and took bets on how long it would take him to get himself free), we just detangled him ourselves.

He’s so special.

Despite his special status, we love our sweet Max very much, and are so happy he is part of our family.  We are just happy won’t don’t have to worry about finding a job for him to make a living.

If he can’t find his way out of a closet, there is no way he could survive in the real world.

For now, we are happy watching him get tangled in curtains and lost in closets.  It’s a nice reminder of how simple life can be…and it’s good for a laugh or two.

Back Camera

One Thought on “Then there was Max…

  1. OMG Bama totally licks doggy private parts too!! It gets me laughing so hard that I get embarrassed about how funny I think it is. I’d stop her, but I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe and then the other dogs owner just thinks I’m some weird, pervert. I can’t help that my dog is slightly sexually advanced.

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