target dart boardThe other day I made a quick run to Target to pick up a few things.  Now, I realize that a “quick run to Target” is as impossible as identifying a healthy Mexican entree or a thought provoking episode of One Tree Hill, but I thought I would try.

I headed to my favorite catch-all store for some deodorant and laundry detergent.  The two things may have been related after an unfortunate sweating encounter that resulted in some embarrassing sweat stains.  Hypothetically of course..

I went into Target and found myself in the jewelry section, which was overtaken by head scarves.  I’m anything but fashionable, as I still think I can rock the mall bangs look, but when did head scarves become the fashionable thing?

And when did I start getting my fashion advice from Target?

I tried on a few scarves and was reminded that head pieces make me look like an old house maid, so I moved on.

I looked at the clothes and found myself drawn to several long, flowy, maxi dresses that looked comfortable and washable.  Since I spill something on everything I wear, the washable factor is a huge plus.  I grabbed a few of the dresses and headed to the dressing room.

putting clothes on a manequinAt the dressing room, I encountered Michelle, who was about as friendly as the customer service representative at a car dealership.  She advised me I could only take 5 items into the dressing room.

As I had 8 items (don’t judge, I like to shop), she told me I could only take in 5 items.  Naturally, I asked if there was any flexibility in that rule and she looked at me as if I had just asked her to perform a strip tease right there on Target’s floor.

Clearly Michelle was a fan of rules. She told me it was non-negotiable, and I could only take 5 items.  I wanted to remind her that simple math would suggest I could take the tag with the number 5 and the tag with the number 3 and that would properly account for my items.

However, Michelle wasn’t in the mood for a math lesson so I moved along with my 5 items, leaving the other 3 in her domineering hands.

I tried on the maxi dresses and discovered they were amazingly comfortable.  They were flowy and roomy, and somewhat slimming.  If only they could reduce the appearance of my arm fat.  Apparently only the Shake Weight can do that.

choosing topsI walked out to Michelle, clad in a flowy maxi dress and asked her for my other items.  She took one look at my dress and commented on how well she liked it.  I was taken aback by her comment, as she was so abrasive previously.

I decided she was just a stickler for rules (or not very good at math), so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and began chatting with her.  I told her how much I loved the maxi dresses because they were comfortable and roomy.  I also told her I couldn’t believe how great of a selection Target had of those dresses.

She responded by saying “I know, I love that Liz Lange Maternity line.”  WHAT?!

Did she think I was trying on maternity clothes?  Michelle was clearly more crazy than I initially suspected.

I grabbed the other 3 dresses waiting for me and casually glanced at the label.  Yup.  Sure enough.  I had apparently stumbled into the maternity section and was trying on all maternity dresses.

pregnant bellyNo wonder they were so roomy….they were for a pregnant belly, not a belly full of Starbucks and string cheese!

I was mortified but couldn’t admit to Michelle that I was just a fatty who liked comfortable dresses.  So, when she asked me when I was due, I rattled off a random date.

After I said the date, I worried about whether the date I gave was appropriate for how far along I looked.  But then I figured that Michelle clearly wasn’t a math genius, so she probably wasn’t going to count the weeks to see if I was lying.

After all, who lies about being pregnant in the maternity section of Target?

We stood there discussing the miracle of childbirth and the new life growing inside of me, and I didn’t know how to get out of there f

This is how glorious it felt to wear those dresses

This is how glorious it felt to wear those dresses

ast enough.  I finally told her my husband was waiting, and that I had to go.

I grabbed three dresses and practically sprinted to the check out.

As I stood in line with my cute maternity clothes, I debated whether I should even buy the dresses.  Yes, they were cute, but was it right to buy maternity dresses when I wasn’t pregnant?  Was I taking the cute dresses away from someone else who needed them?

Ultimately, I decided that there are a million stores for pregnant women to shop, and me buying 3 maternity dresses from Target wasn’t going to keep expecting mothers from being fashionable.

So I bought my dresses and headed home with my new purchases.  I was excited for my new clothes and then I got to thinking.  Don’t maternity pants come with a built in panel for your belly that stretches out?

Thanksgiving is right around the corner…

13 Thoughts on “My revelation at Target

  1. ooooh my god!!! LOL i can not stop laughing…. that’s sooooo funny!! but actually lisa, i have lots of maternity clothes that i wear as everyday where so it’s all good. if it’s cute and doesn’t actually LOOK maternity… who cares right?! fuuuuunnny story though!

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! I love it. Ummm, but where are the pics 😉

  3. Anonymous on August 12, 2011 at 10:50 pm said:

    You wear those when you’re not pregnant, you jinx yourself and end up pregnant. Be careful!

  4. OMG Lisa! This is so FUNNY! I could not stop laughing! I have done the same thing at Target. That damn maternity section is so close to the regular clothes. They have some cute clothes in maternity. The thought has often entered my mind to try them on. Great story. Thanks for sharing!

  5. OMG, HILARIOUS!!!!!

  6. That’s funny. Make sure you stay away from her in whatever month you gave. She’s going to want to see your baby.
    Joyce just rambled about…Promote Your Book Bloghop: Meet and GreetMy Profile

  7. This cracked me up. You are hilarious.

    And PS, I love Target so much. I’m there weekly.
    Amber just rambled about…Things That Annoy Me Thursday: Changing MeridaMy Profile

  8. Lisa, you are a riot. This was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Thanks for making me laugh.

    • Thank you for letting me know how much you enjoyed my post! I appreciate that so much. It’s hard to write something and put it out there and then have no idea if people like it or think it’s funny or not. I really appreciate you reading and commenting.

      I’d like to tell you that stories like this one aren’t that common in my life….but I’d be lying. This is a regular occurrence!

      And yesterday I was in Target and strategically avoided the maternity section for fear I would run into the woman and she would ask me about my baby.

      I’m really a horrible person!

      Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂
      Lisa Newlin just rambled about…Dear Diary: an entry from Mailman RicardoMy Profile

  9. I have purchased a few maternity bathing suits from Target and I am in no way nor have I ever been pregnant. Good for you keeping the dresses you liked.
    Chasing Joy just rambled about…The Joys of Single Life: Before Marriage Bucket ListMy Profile

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