Shady Jack is normally a very happy dog…the happiest of dogs, actually. He has a zeal for life that puts a smile on my face, although his farts will clear a room. Seriously.
They’re toxic…but it’s secretly another reason I love him so much.
Shady Jack is a simple man, who likes to always have a toy in his mouth and another dog’s genitalia near his nose.
These are the things that make him happy, and although the crotch sniffing is a bit disturbing, I’m okay with it if it makes him happy.
So when we made appointments for the other two dogs to go to the groomers, we thought Shady Jack would be fine. In fact, I thought he would enjoy his day home alone with me.
Shady Jack is a short haired dog and doesn’t need to be groomed, although the other two do. However, he needs to be Furminated about every 20 minutes, as that guy sheds fur worse than a college freshman sheds her convictions that first semester of college.
My husband leashed up the other two dogs on Saturday morning, as Shady Jack ran around the house doing a victory lap. Hhe clearly believed he would be the third dog to be leashed.
Always the optimist, Shady Jack followed my husband to the door, confident he would leave with them, despite the lack of leash.
When we first got him he escaped our house twice, and both times resulted in my near heart attack and Shady Jack coming back covered in dog poo. He literally returned with a shit eating grin. He should have known there was no way he was leaving the house unleashed ever again.
My husband grabbed Bentley, who was shaking profusely and looking at me with pleading eyes, begging me not to let him go. He also grabbed Max, who seemed blissfully ignorant that something unpleasant might be about to happen.
I watched my husband take a trembling Bentley and a jubilant Max to the car and then they drove away, noses pressed to the glass…the dogs’ noses. Not my husband’s. That would just be weird.
I then turned my attention to Shady Jack, who seemed to be a different dog entirely. Gone was the constant wagging tail and the skip in his step.
I knew the best way to cheer him up was with a toy, as he loved to prance around the house with a toy in his mouth, showing the toy all the cool places in the house.
He is especially fond of the back of the couch, and takes all his toys there to show them the view from the window. I like to think he enjoys watching the freakshow across the street, but I’m pretty sure he’s just watching squirrels.
I figured this would make him happy, but when I tried to give him his favorite toy, which is an actual sized foot with painted nails. I’m pretty sure he has a fetish.
He wouldn’t even take it. He looked at me as if to say “You’ve taken my friends away, what’s the point in going on?” D-rama Queen!!!!!
I spent the rest of the day trying to console him and failing miserably. I gave him a fake pig ear to chew on, and he ate it and then went to his kennel to sulk. Clearly, dining on swine didn’t do the trick, although it always seemed to work for me.
I thought maybe a walk would cheer him up. I put his leash on him and we went for a walk, but all he did was wander aimlessly on the walk. He didn’t bother to mark his favorite trees, which is usually the highlight of his walk.
It was if he had given up. His heart was officially broken. When we came home from the walk, he went into the bedroom and this is how I found him.
If he was capable of opening a bottle of Scotch, he would have done so to drown his sorrows. He was inconsolable and I knew I should just let him have his time to grieve,
Just about that time my husband arrived home with our two freshly bathed and groomed dogs, and Shady Jack’s world changed immediately. as clearly there was nothing I could do.
He jumped off the bed and greeted the dogs at the door with crotch sniffs, and even a lick or two. He chased Max around the house and even allowed Bentley to nip at him briefly.
The wag in his tail was back and I couldn’t have been happier, although I was a little heartbroken that I couldn’t fill the void the dogs did.
Clearly he would prefer to sniff the other dogs’ crotch than my crotch, and after thinking it through, that’s fine with me.
Now he’s back to happy Shady Jack, and the world is as it should be.