Chipmunks-alvin-and-the-chipmunks-23371193-600-582

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Who doesn’t love cute, cuddly little chipmunks?  They are tiny and fuzzy, and seemingly harmless….that is…unless they decide to take up residence in the hostas in the front of your house.

They become decidedly less cuddly when they are trying to squat at your place.  Don’t get me wrong, I would be happy to offer them a cold beverage and discuss their budding singing careers, but, I certainly don’t want them anywhere near my house.

chipmunkSo, lately, I’ve been fighting a battle in my front yard with these adorable little chipmunks.  Although I must say, they aren’t nearly that adorable when I am in the throes of battle against them.

Since these chipmunks have failed to demonstrate their value to me I decided I couldn’t let them keep making a home in my hostas, and creeping up the siding to my house.

I keep waiting for them to don shirts with letters on them and introduce me to their good pal, Dave, who I would like to set up with a friend of mine.

Normally, I wouldn’t have minded the habitation in the hostas, but I’ve seen them crawl up the siding to the house, and I definitely don’t want them living with me unless they can contribute to the housework.

I am an animal lover and would never want to kill these creatures, so I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt them.  I just wanted to engage in behavior that would gently urge them to move elsewhere.

However, walking around in my underwear with the windows open seemed to have no effect on them, so I had to come up with another strategy to get them to move, although the retired man across the street became noticeably more friendly after this failed attempt.

red pepperI did some research on the internet and discovered that red pepper can keep them away as they don’t like the way it smells.  Interestingly, neither do I.  But I purchased some red pepper anyway, and took to the front of the house with a vengeance, sprinkling the red pepper on the hostas.

It looked like a battle zone when I was done, as red flecks of pepper covered the hostas.  I was convinced this would do it.  Unfortunately, this war strategy had unintended fallout.

As I went to pat myself on the back for all my hard work, I accidentally got some red pepper in my eye.

NOTE:  Red pepper in the eye is painful, but far more painful when it gets trapped in your contact.  It took me 20 minutes to get my contact out of my eye because I couldn’t keep my eye open long enough to retrieve it.

And the worst part was, that the red pepper did nothing to deter the little bastards….they definitely won that battle, but I was convinced they wouldn’t win the war.

I decided to fight fire with fire…or at least to fight chipmunks with urine.  Yes, urine.  Not my urine, but fox urine.

Apparently chipmunks don’t like the smell of fox urine and flee from it, as foxes hunt chipmunks.  Believe it or not, I didn’t have fox urine sitting around the house, so I had to go to Bass Pro Shop to purchase it.  This was no small feat.

red foxI entered the store after work, wearing work clothes and looking somewhat professional, aside from the Diet Coke stain on my right breast, which was an early morning casualty.

When I asked the store clerk where I could find the fox urine, I was convinced she thought I was purchasing it for some kind of strange foreplay.

She snickered and led me to the fox pee, all the while imagining what strange fetish I must have with fox urine.  I disregarded her glances, grabbed several bottles and headed to the cash register.

When I returned home with the coveted urine, I opened the bottle to start spreading it around and was taken aback by the odor.  It was stifling.

No wonder chipmunks hated the smell.  It was blindingly horrible.  Naturally, I decided my husband would be better suited to distribute the excrement and left that job up to him.

After donning nose plugs and haz-mat gloves, he spread the urine over the hostas.  So far, the fox pee seems to have forced the little critters to move to another home and we haven’t seen them looming in our hostas in a few weeks.

fox+urine.jpgUnfortunately, as is the case in any war, we have suffered as well from the fox urine.  The front of our house smells like a frat house after Greek week.  The only thing that’s missing is a pile of vomit and a girl with no self respect…or bra.

The pungent smell of urine seems to loom near our front door, which frequently incites flash backs to my college days.  But, it’s a small price to pay for the smiting of the chipmunks.

Of course, we haven’t had any visitors to our house since we began using the fox urine, but that’s okay, as the retired man across the street has become decidedly more friendly…

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